


The Things We Do For Love

by PeppermintAlice



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Abusive!Jean, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cheating, Domestic Violence, Eating Disorders, M/M, Mental Abuse, Physical Abuse, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-04-08 10:38:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 35,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4301553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeppermintAlice/pseuds/PeppermintAlice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Why, why would someone save me? Why did they save me? I didn’t want to be saved…"</p><p> </p><p>Abusive relationships. A quickly declining confidence. Armin's relationship is nothing but good but he's convinced himself otherwise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, another story. I'm so addicted to writing AU's... But yeah about this story. I'm just putting out the warning - this story will involve in depth abusive relationships. It also will have very heavy angst to come. Also a very important part truthfully this will not be Jean/Armin fluff or maybe no real happy relationships, we'll see. Sorry for writing Jean as such a jerk...I love him, really! For a matter there will be lots of conflict to come. I do not condone abusive relationships it's merely used for the story.

* * *

 

 

 

The sounds of the traffic, the lights that illuminated the city streets and the crowds of people that lingered up and down the late night streets to Armin were so tiny and just hollow buzzing sounds in his ears. His body shook and he swallowed dryly as he leaned over the top of the high-rise apartment complex and his heart beat quickened. It felt like he was being sucked downward, slowly and carefully he crawled up onto the ledge and let out a long shaky breath.

 

It was terrifying and he wanted to vomit not like there was anything in his stomach to bring up. He couldn’t take it anymore, everything was crumbling so fast around him that this was clearly the best option. End it all. The tingling sensation in the corners of his eyes bothered him as he held back the tears he so hated. This was how it had to be. No one would miss him and even those in his life that he had wouldn’t even care to look for him.

 

He stood up carefully and felt his legs quiver with fear as he stood up on the ledge. Slowly he glanced downward and felt his balance falter as he did so. Then as if in slow motion his body crept towards the edge even if it was only a few centimeters. Armin closed his eyes tightly and let out a soft whimper as he let his body go limp leaning over the edge and finally letting himself fall over.

 

But then just as his body sunk further over he felt an arm wrap tightly around his waist and a hand grabbed his arm pulling him back over the ledge to safety.

 

_Why, why would someone save me? Why did they save me? I didn’t want to be saved…_

Armin felt his vision waver as the adrenaline slowly faded from his small frail body and his consciousness left him as he passed out against the strong firm unfamiliar body.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It wasn’t that it started like this. He wasn’t always the trembling little form hovering over a building in an attempt to suicide. Or rather as he would say in a happy chipper voice, ‘I’m Armin Arlert and I go to Sina University, studying for a degree in philosophy and history!’ That’s who he used to be.

 

It all started after graduation. Armin’s boyfriend –well he had only been dating him for four months asked him to move in with him while they attend college. It was so sudden yet at the same time with the giddy excitement of starting a new and adventurous future Armin couldn’t say no. It was impulse he would admit but at the same time he didn’t know how he could afford to live alone while going to university.

 

Their relationship to most would seem awkward and maybe a little strange. His name was Jean and he was a rich kid, spoiled by his family and pretty much had a full ride through college via his family. He only came out as bisexual recently and he had asked Armin out so casually. Jean had this temper. It was out of nowhere once when Armin had accidently broke Jean’s iPhone and he cursed him out as well as struck him. With that though Armin insisted he deserved it.

 

To Armin, Jean was tall handsome, fit and popular. Nothing could take that view point away from the blonde boy. He had Jean on a high pedestal of perfection and nothing could knock him off it. Ok, so maybe it was because it was his first boyfriend and he wasn’t exactly used to the fact that he could call someone his boyfriend so it was exciting and new.

 

Armin on the other hand was opposite of Jean. Short, shy, not really fit or strong and excelled in academics so he always thought no one would ever be interested so this relationship made him giddy. Armin had lost his parents when he was just a baby so his grandfather raised him and even with what little they had both of them made it work as a family.

 

What more could you ask for? Armin felt like he was the luckiest person on the planet. Moving from the less populated town and going to the big city. It was all Armin could ask for it was perfect.

 

The movers Jean had instructed propped the last few boxes of their belongings up against the wall. Armin watched as Jean went to talk to them and he assumed they were just being paid so he went about the apartment to unpack. It was a beautiful place. Armin would more call it a loft then an apartment due to the design. It was open and the walls were painted a stylish red with black trim. The floors were wood paneled colored in a deep auburn red.

 

His blue eyes gazed further around the room spotting the open stairway which was painted black. It led up to a large bedroom space. Everything looked so unique.

 

As the door closed Armin smiled his sweet yet shy usual smile, “This place is beautiful.”

 

Jean just shrugged and shoved his wallet into his back pocket, “Fucking movers broke the TV.” He heard Jean mutter as he went to inspect the damage. Armin bit his lip a little and hovered ever so slightly around the boxes. Jean turned to the blonde, “Just go unpack your shit.”

 

Jean was in one of his moods Armin just assumed. It seemed like that was becoming more common thing lately. Armin said nothing and grabbed a box which was labeled as his own, his lips motioned to speak but he wasn’t exactly sure if he should considering Jean’s mood but as he fumbled with the various books he grabbed out of the box he spoke in a soft voice, “W-where should I put my books? Do you mind if I use the bookshelf?”

 

Jean snapped up and let out a frustrated sigh, “Use the shelf…Obviously… fuck.” He kicked the television and Armin heard various snaps and cracks as he fell to the floor, “Assholes. I just bought the damned thing.”

 

“W-well… I’m sure it was an accident…” Armin didn’t mean his voice to quiver but it did. He couldn’t look him in the eyes but he knew Jean was pissed. He stumbled as Jean shoved past him and to the bar table near the kitchen to grab his phone.

 

“They charge too much to make fucking accidents. I’ll have their asses fired.” Jean held the phone to his ear and Armin went back to propped each book onto one of the shelves. With a sigh he heard his boyfriend pretty much yelling into the phone. He cringed slightly at the raised voice but Jean knew best right?

 

Armin heard Jean slam his phone down but not before saying a fuck you into it. He looked over at the quiet blonde who was pressing down the empty box and putting it aside, “I’m going out. Make sure you get all this crap unpacked.”

 

Armin smiled a little, “Ok, be careful out there…” Tenderly he reached out and took Jean’s hand, leaned up on his toes and kissed the taller boy gently.

 

The kiss seemed to soften Jean’s tense nature so he pressed further into Armin to deepen it. Jean’s tongue plunged into the small mouth and then he nipped at his lower lip before breaking away. “Going to go get a new TV... I’ll be back. Order some pizza for supper. Don’t break my damn phone when you do.”

 

Armin’s eyes went downcast, “Y-yeah… I love you.”

 

Jean pulled away and grabbed his keys, “I’ll be back in a bit.” Armin heard the door shut, almost too roughly.

 

He felt his stomach twist and turn in emotions and his heart beat seemed anxious somehow but he pushed that aside and went back to unpacking. If he didn’t Jean would be upset so Armin grabbed a larger box filled with dishes and padded across the floor in his bare feet very carefully because that was the last thing he wanted to happen was to break the dishes.

 

He turned his stare to the large window nearby. It was a breathtaking view. They were fairly high up and seeing the sights of the city was so foreign and exciting. In a few weeks he would be starting his duel majors in philosophy and history and Jean would be studying architecture. With his smile intact he turned back away from the window and continued to busy himself around the boxes.

 

Armin had fallen asleep. He was jolted awake by voices and the door being jolted open abruptly. Slowly and hazy eyed he look towards the door to see Jean and some guy he didn’t recognize but was wearing some odd company t-shirt carrying in what looked to be a new television.

 

“Fuck, you jammed my god damn fingers in the door.”

 

Armin heard the newcomer howl out, he saw the guys green eyes flare in frustration as they sat the box down and he shook his hand wincing ever so slightly. “Psh not my fault you can’t handle pain.”

 

Armin stayed quiet as he watched the two banter back and forth and he watched Jean jot something down on what looked the back of a piece of paper, rip it off and handed that with a fifty dollar tip to the other boy who quirked an eyebrow up at Jean.

 

The other boy was a little shorter than Jean and had messy dark brown hair with mildly tanned skin. With those intense green eyes he looked up from what was in his hand and looked at Jean, “Name’s Eren. Thanks for the _tip_.” A grin twisted across his lips, “Talk to you later, maybe next time you won’t jam my fingers in the door. Ass…” With a chuckle the boy named Eren left closing the door behind him.

 

Neither of them had seemed to notice Armin perched on the couch. He continued to peer over the edge and smiled softly at Jean’s tousled hair, “Welcome home…”

 

Jean seemed to jump in surprise, “Holy shit.” He turned to look at the meek boy on the couch, “The fuck, don’t scare me.”

 

“I unpacked most things…” Armin spoke in his soft but sure tone, “Pizza is on the table.” He added, “The TV looks bigger than the last one.”

 

Jean started to crack the box open, “Yeah, I got a deal,” Not like Jean really had to care about money, “Come help me with this.”

 

Armin crawled off the couch and carefully pried open the other side of the box then helped him hoist it up onto the television stand. “Perfect.”

 

“So,” Armin swayed from heel to toe, “How about we watch a movie…?”

 

Jean busied himself plugging in all the necessary electronics, “Yeah why not.”

 

“You pick, I’m going to go change. I’ll grab the pizza and drinks and I’ll join you in a minute.” Armin felt excited, their first night in their new place together. He sprinted up the stairs, changed out of his oversized hoodie and jeans and into a pair of sweats and a slightly fitted t-shirt which showed the ever so slight pudgy belly he was sporting.

 

Armin soon joined the other boy. He sat their drinks and the box of food on the coffee table and casually snuggled up to him. Jean had already started some action movie and Armin grabbed for a slice.

 

Jean let out a scoff as he looked down at the other boy, “You know, maybe you shouldn’t have that. You’re getting fat.”

 

Armin froze yet somehow he swallowed the small bit he took. Whenever Armin felt bad or guilty he really couldn’t look anyone in the face. So, slowly he reached back and put the food he held back in the box, “Yeah… sorry.” His blue eyes gazed downward awkwardly fumbling with the drawstring on his sweats.

 

Jean grabbed a slice for himself, leaned back and propped his feet up on the coffee table and went back to watching the movie. Armin on the other hand stayed still, he really couldn’t focus on the movie at this point and found the courage to smile weakly up at Jean, “I’m a little tired… mind if I go to bed?”

 

Jean shrugged, “Whatever. Go ahead.”

 

Timidly the blonde got up and rushed up to the bedroom and curled up on one side of the bed letting out a small sob into his pillow. Jean didn’t mean anything by it, Armin insisted. He just had a bad day, who could blame him right?

 

Armin curled up under the sheets his body drifting off into partial sleep to awake. He felt the bed dip and his body as tugged so that he was now lying on his back. Jean hovered over him and Armin rubbed his sleep filled eyes, “Mmnn… movie over?” Armin smiled up at his boyfriend and reached a hand up to caress his cheek.

 

“Let’s have sex.” Jean said firmly now nuzzling against Armin’s neck.

 

“So blunt,” Armin tilted his head giving Jean full access to kiss and suckle the soft flesh there, “Hm? You’re naked?”

 

“Obviously,” Jean did roll his eyes but Armin could see a little through the darkness. He pulled Armin’s sweats off in one quick motion and he hovered lowly kissing along Armin’s body, his thighs, slowly leading up to his now swelling member. The kisses were sloppy, wet and filled with lust yet all Armin could do was arch his body and grab ahold of the bed sheets as his boyfriend gave him the best blow job of his life. Well he didn’t have much to compare it to but it felt erotic and heavenly.

 

Armin came hard and he watched weakly but lustfully as Jean swallowed. He heard his boyfriend rummage for something, “Condoms?”

 

“B-bottom drawer…” Armin breathed out as he watched the city light illuminate Jeans lean yet muscled body.

 

The feeling of Jean’s hands hovering around his bottom was painfully slow. It was almost like he was being teased but then he felt a lubed finger enter him. He gasped and bit his lower lip trying to keep still enough for Jean to prepare him. Armin’s head tilted to the side and he mewled with pleasure as the playful fingers penetrated him.

 

Jean always hit the right spots.

 

“Oh…fuck, Jean…- now!” Armin felt his voice go as Jean pulled Armin close, he wrapped his legs around his waist and Jean hovered kissing the blonde roughly as he pushed into the boy both aroused and fully stimulated. The motions were hot, sexual and full of pleasure.

 

Armin was on a high right now as Jean hit the most sensitive parts sending the blonde on an orgasmic high it was like his body was tingling all over so every movement and touch made him crazy. Fuck, Jean is amazing.

 

Jean collapsed next to the panting blonde and sat up discarding the used condom. He flopped back with a relaxed sigh and closed his eyes.

 

“I love you…” Armin breathed out as he turned on his side facing Jean. He never said it back so there was a long silence between the two aside from their breathing. Jean’s breathing altered slightly and Armin knew he was sleeping.

 

Everything was perfect, right?

 

Armin smiled feeling rather exhausted himself but let out a soft hum of contentment. He pushed a side Jean’s abrasive behavior, he was just stressed right now and who could blame him. Starting University was stressful and Jean just naturally had a bad temper. Armin blamed himself, if he didn’t give Jean reasons to be angry it wouldn’t happen. Yet he had his moments where he was so gentle like now. That sex was amazing.

 

Their relationship had their highs and lows. But didn’t everyone’s?

 

-

 

It just happened so fast. They were only hanging the curtains, but now Armin was on the floor curled up in fetal position his hands balled into fists as he held them to his face which was stained with tears. Yet their afternoon didn’t start like that…

 

Armin was perched up on a chair trying to prop the curtain and the rod up onto the hooks and then it had slipped. It hit hard and harshly jabbing Jean’s nose. It was bleeding and it only took a moment for Jean and Armin to realize what exactly had happened.

 

“The hell Armin, you can’t even fucking hang a curtain,” Jean sputtered grabbing some tissue to catch the globs of red that streamed out of his nose, “get the hell down from there.” Roughly he tugged the blonde down from the chair and Armin simply tried to mouth the words of an apology but a harsh crack to the face took him off balance and now here he was a crying mess on the floor with a painful throb seared through his cheek and the corner of his lips.

 

“I-I’m sorry!” Armin managed to choke out and he touched the corner of his mouth and swollen lips only to see and taste the blood. He felt a kick hit his stomach and he curled into himself with a breathless gasp.

 

“Fucking useless…”

 

With shaky arms, Armin tried to pull himself up, “A…are you ok…?”

 

Jean was now on the chair hoisting the curtain up and putting it in place, “You didn’t bust my nose if that’s what you’re asking. Go; just go do something that you can’t screw up. I’ll finish with the rest of the windows.”

 

Armin stood slowly and hunched his shoulders inward keeping his gaze low as he reached for a tissue to dab the small bit of blood on his lip, “O-ok. I-I’ll get us something for lunch.”

 

Jean turned his eyes to look at Armin, “Remember what I said the other day. I meant it. You really need to watch what you eat.” He eyed the blonde from head to toe.

 

Armin ducked his head down, “Yeah… I…I’ll get you something. Ok?”

 

Jean turned back and pulled a curtain up out of a package, “My wallets on the bar table, grab a ten.”

 

Armin nodded, pulling on his sweater then his sneakers. He pulled a bill out of the wallet and glanced over at Jean, “I’ll be right back ok.”

 

It was my entire fault. I deserved it. Armin convinced himself. He looked into the smudged shiny metallic surface of the elevator door as he waited for it to reach the floor. He noticed the slight split on his lower lip and sighed, “I deserved that.”

 

The elevator let out a small ding and the doors slowly cracked open and Armin stepped in. He stuffed his hands into the front pouch of his sweater. It seemed like forever to get to the ground floor and Armin stepped out swiftly turning the corner only to smack into someone else’s shoulder. Both of them stumbled awkwardly and Armin went wide eyed with panic as he turned to the other person.

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry… I’m terribly clumsy…”

 

The other man made Armin’s heart skip a beat. They were very close in height and he had a unique cut hairstyle. It was pitch black and he had these intense grey eyes.

 

“Whatever, kid. Just watch where you’re going next time.”

 

The man simply disappeared into the elevator with a scowl.

 

Armin stared down at his shoes, “I just keep messing up today…” he shuffled his feet and spotted a café across the streets, the sign read Café Sina. He crossed the street at the crosswalk and approached the café and went inside. It was pretty roomie and it was quite busy considering it was a little later in the afternoon.

 

A perky girl with an ear to ear smile took his order. He ordered Jean his favorite, a toasted BLT and decided he’d get him a vanilla latte as well. He paid and thanked the girl and made his way to the exit spotting the part-time help wanted sign. Armin felt drawn in, the place was nice and everyone seemed so happy there. Maybe it would be for the best so he wouldn’t have to sponge off Jean so much.

 

Armin made his way back to their apartment. He clicked open the door with his key and pushed it open gently, “I’m back!” He called out. He could hear Jean’s voice. It sounded as if he was up in the bedroom.

 

Jean came down as Armin unwrapped the meal from the paper and placed it on the plate, “Oh, Hey Armin.”

 

“You were talking to your mom?” Armin questioned eyeing the other boy curiously as he handed the plate to Jean.

 

“Uh… something like that,” Jean shrugged, “Thanks for this by the way.”

 

Jean sat on of the bar stools in front of the counter and Armin hovered biting his lip a little, “I got you a vanilla latte.” Pushing the cup towards Jean he smiled weakly, “Sorry… for earlier.”

 

“Whatever,” Jean picked at the sandwich and looked up at Armin who continued to stand there awkwardly playing with one of the strings on his sweater. Another thing the blonde boy always did when he was upset or nervous, “Look… just –don’t be upset. I’m just looking out for you. You don’t want to become some slob do you?”

 

Armin looked a little taken aback yet shrugged a little but shook his head a little, “Just… you never complained before.”

 

“Well, no, but lately,” Jean took a sip of the hot liquid and contemplated, “Anyways, you know what I mean.”

 

“Yeah… but…” Armin countered his voice wavered, “I- I understand. You’re right,” A small unsettling smile forced onto his face, “T-thanks for looking out for me…”

 

Jean shoved aside half of his meal and got up from the stool taking his drink with him as he sat back and relaxed on the couch. “Just gonna stand there or?”

 

Armin jumped a little being pulled out of the daze he was in, “Ah, s-sorry.” He kicked off his shoes and joined Jean on the couch and smiled slightly at the other boy, “Um… so Jean. I was thinking of looking for a part time job. Well, I mean… I don’t want to be a burden and it’d be nice to put money aside to pay for my school loans. S-so I just wanted to run the idea by you…”

 

Jean looked to be pondering the idea for a moment and took a long swig of the latte before answering, “It will keep you busy. We won’t have much time to spend together.”

 

Armin shrunk back a little, “I know… but -,”

 

Jean interrupted the boy with a finger to his lips, “Go for it. I think I’ll manage.”

 

“Thanks Jean!” The blonde launched forward and hugged onto the other causing Jean to spill the hot liquid over his hand.

 

Jean pushed the boy away with an aggravated sigh, “Fucking hell Armin. What’s with you today? How about you just sit there and please just stay quiet.”

 

Armin gave an apologetic look and backed up to the other side of the couch.

 

Jean wiped his hand against his pants and sighed, “Want to go buy some groceries later?”

 

Gazing up Armin nodded ever so slightly. He watched as Jean skimmed through the channels on the television. Reading Jean was hard sometimes. Armin had no idea what kind of mood the guy was in until he expressed so. Lately all he seemed to do was make Jean mad.

 

Quietly Armin reached for one of the books he had left on the coffee table. He sent Jean another look of apology but the guy didn’t seem to notice. Slowly he pulled the book open tautly while brushing his fingers delicately over the pages. He bit his lower lip gently feeling hunger bubble up in the pit of his stomach.

 

“Jean…I…” Armin spoke up quietly placing the book on his lap, his eyes focused on it as he continued to speak, “I’m going to call my grandpa, ok?”

 

“Phone’s on the table, go ahead. Again, don’t break the thing,” Jean warned as Armin jumped up from the couch and grabbed the phone from the table.

 

As he dialed the number he wandered up to the bedroom and sat at the edge of the bed. After the sixth ring someone finally answered but it wasn’t his grandfather but the caretaker they had come in now since Armin was away. She was kind and thoughtful but her voice was soft and downcast as she spoke to him.

 

“Is he… going to be ok?” Armin questioned his tone full of worry but she assured him he would be fine and it was just a cold and would just need plenty of uninterrupted rest. Although glad to know he was being looked after he was still disappointed that he couldn’t hear his grandfather’s encouraging words, “W-well, thank you… call me if anything changes.”

 

With a sigh he returned back downstairs and made sure to put Jean’s phone back. Slowly he walked up towards the couch and wrapped his arms gently around Jean from behind the couch then kissed his cheek, “My grandpa’s sick…”

 

“Oh, is he ok?” To Armin Jean didn’t seem to feel concern and Armin sighed into his ear.

 

“Hmm… just a cold… he should be fine,” Armin wandered over to the other side of the couch and propped himself up on his boyfriends lap so he was facing him and kissed him soft and slow, “I’m sorry… please don’t be mad at me. I’ll make it up to you later. I promise.” His breath ghosted against Jean’s skin as he looked at his slightly swollen nose.

 

Jean’s hands groped the blonde’s ass and Armin meshed their lips together with a soft moan. Yeah their relationship is fine, it’s perfect –Jean’s perfect.

 

Armin was in love, he loved Jean. They both liked the same book series, watched the same shows –well some of the same shows. They ended up together during the time when Armin was asked to tutor Jean in Calculus. Oh, how he remembered how embarrassed Jean was to ask for help. Jean was such a tough guy, well, still is. It was a surprise that one day while they were studying, they were in the library at school and Jean just kissed him. It was harsh and fast but real.

 

But being with Jean was like walking around eggshells although Armin knew it wouldn’t be that way if he didn’t scatter them.

 

“You’re so incredible…” Each word was breathed out in between kisses, his hands in Jean’s tousled hear.

 

Yet Jean pulled Armin back slightly and looked at the delicate round face of the blonde, his lips were slightly puffy from the kissing not to mention the assault from earlier was accenting his normally full lips and his pale face was flushed ever so slightly, “Get off,” Jean sighed, “Let’s go out.”

 

Armin pouted and let out a little whine of protest but Jean shoved him aside, “Shopping?”

 

“Yeah, I should have got one of my families workers to shop for us but they can be incompetent,” Jean pulled himself up and glanced down at his boyfriend, “Coming?”

 

“Y-yeah!”

 

 

* * *

 

 

With the kitchen full of food that made Armin’s stomach desire with the hollow pain it felt, he slowly sipped on bottled water hoping that was ok. It was for the best, he wanted to be attractive for Jean. The sound of the shower was heard and Armin sighed.

 

He wandered up to the bedroom and pulled his hoodie off then scanned his small yet soft form. He was always fairly small for a boy, never really excelled at sports but his mother had graced him with soft blonde hair and bright blue eyes. He loved that he resembled his mother.

 

Yet as he turned from left to right observing his body he frowned, Jean was right. Maybe from all the cram sessions he did for finals, the stress of entry exams he really didn’t have the time to concentrate on a proper diet.

 

Guilt stricken, he turned his attention away from the mirror. If he didn’t act now he could lose Jean.

 

Pressing his lips into a thin line he changed into something more comfortable and wandered back down to see Jean coming out from the shower in just his sweats. With his lips now twisted into a smile Armin walked towards Jean and took in his clean scent as he perched up onto his toes to give a quick peck to the lips.

 

“I’m going to apply for that job tonight, mind if I use your computer?”

 

Jean eyed the boy and quirked an eyebrow, “I guess, but you know don’t hold your hopes so high on actually getting it.”

 

“I-I know that, but I would think I have as good a chance as any… I mean, I really like working with people,” Armin’s smile seemed shaken.

 

Jean shrugged Armin away, “Well, I’m just saying… you’ll really have to impress if you want it.”

 

Armin wasn’t sure how to take that comment but he smiled still, “O-of course.”

 

“Employers will generally try to hire someone attractive over some with simple book smarts,” Jean added which took the blonde off guard.

 

“W-what? That…-,” Armin took a long look at Jean, “What do you mean by that?”

 

“Well,” Jean grabbed the back of the blonde’s neck pulling his hair ever so slightly, enough that the boy winced and looked into his eyes, “You’re not exactly the picture of beauty.”

 

It felt like a jab to the heart but it wasn’t the first time Jean had said something like that to him, yet this was more direct then his usual remarks. Armin shot back pushing Jean away the best he could, “Y-you’re such a jerk sometimes! That’s a cruel thing to say!”

 

“Cruel?” Jean pulled Armin by the wrists and slammed him up against the wall, “I’m just being honest with you. Isn’t it better you hear it from me then some stranger.”

 

“J-Jean, you’re hurting me… please, let go,” His voice quivered in fear but Jean gave him one last slam up against the wall and Armin felt like Jean could snap his wrists at any moment, “O-ok… I understand. I’m sorry.”

 

Living with Jean meant dealing with his personality all the time, it was different then weekend trips or outing’s they used to have. Armin scolded himself for causing the outburst just now. He knew Jean meant well and was just telling him what was true.

 

With a sigh Jean released the tiny wrists, “Go shower.”

 

Armin stared down at the floor and without another word sped into the bathroom making sure to shut the door and locking it behind him. His heart was beating so fast, he slid down the wooden door and pulled his knees to his chest. Thankfully tears didn’t escape his round eyes and he took in long deep breaths trying to calm his mind and body.

 

“I’m lucky I have Jean … I shouldn’t have yelled at him. He’s always looking out for me…”  His words were soft in a mere whisper, “He loves me.”

 

After a somewhat relaxing shower Armin tugged his hair back with a hair tie and gazed at himself in the mirror. The swelling from the slight split lip had gone down and it didn’t really hurt anymore so he was grateful.

 

He wrapped a towel around himself and dashed out of the bathroom and up the stairs pulled on some fresh clothes taking note to put something lose fitting since he figured it was best. A t-shirt accompanied by an oversized zip up sweater, the sleeves went way past his hands and the length went about mid-thigh, lastly was a pair of boxer shorts.

 

Quietly he wandered back down to join Jean who was leaning back on the couch an iPad in hand. It was probably best not to disturb the guy so Armin went to the computer and looked into sending his resume off to Sina Café.

 

“Your hair looks stupid up like that…”

 

Armin turned his attention to his boyfriend on the couch, “W-what?” He sputtered a little caught off guard.

 

“It makes your face look fat.”

 

“O-oh…” Gingerly Armin pulled the elastic out of his damp hair and let it fall around his face and said nothing else.

 

Neither of them said anything else and to make things even more uncomfortable for Armin, they didn’t talk for the rest of the evening. They had sex though but this time it was a little rough and Armin did his best to find pleasure in it. Sometimes, well most of the time, Jean was gentle and careful then the other times not so much and Armin assumed it was because of how stupid and clumsy he was today.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Armin treads quietly the next morning, it was raining, the clouds hung heavy and dark and Jean was on the phone. He felt sluggish and weak and his stomach ached. Maybe an apple would be ok. His eyes glanced from the fruit bowl nearby and back at Jean who was pacing slowly around the room as he talked.

 

A long sigh of relief escaped his lips as he chewed and nibbled on the firm exterior of the fruit. It was delicious so he took a larger bite and closed his eyes.

 

“Armin?”

 

The blonde jumped nearly choking on the piece of food in his mouth. Was Jean mad? He couldn’t look him in the eyes, “Morning…”

 

“Ah, hey, what are you doing?”

 

Armin fumbled with the apple and shrugged a little, “I-I… was hungry.”

 

“Well don’t come crying to me when you’re fat and miserable.”

 

Armin bit his lip, “Sorry… I forgot.”

 

“I’m going to head out and meet up with my family. I might be back late.” Jean tossed the half eaten apple in the garbage then grabbed his wallet and keys and eyed the boy carefully, “Don’t feel the need to wait up for me.”

 

“Ok,” Armin reached up kissing Jean on the cheek, “Take care, ok?” Jean went to the door and Armin smiled at him, “Love you…”

 

With the door shut closed and Jean gone Armin could already feel loneliness creep on his psyche. With a sigh he flopped down on the couch and turned on the television. There wasn’t anything really good listed so he decided on reading.

 

He really _, really_ , needed to occupy his thoughts and block out that nagging feeling in his stomach. Armin’s eyes focused on the words on the pages of his book. Although, why didn’t Jean invite him along? Maybe it was just a family thing… maybe he felt a little spiteful that his own boyfriend didn’t invite him along.

 

Armin pulled up a blanket that was draped over the side of the couch and found himself staring through the crack of the curtains. The rain wasn’t letting up and it made his usual bright and happy interior become dull and somber.

 

The blonde pulled the blanket around himself and found himself pouting. Maybe he was a little mad at Jean for not taking him along. They were together after all.

 

Ok, he was officially bored. Armin had previously kept himself busy with studies and taking care of his grandfather.

 

He wondered if he got a call back about the job, Jean had the phone and Armin cursed himself for not getting his own yet it was a little too pricey at the moment. Getting the job would definitely help solve that problem.

 

Armin didn’t want Jean’s money nor did he want to imply as such. Not that Jean was one to throw money at him in the first place. Armin could care less about the money, he loved Jean and he could see the good points the man held and see past the bad.

 

Jean had given Armin a bouquet of roses one time. It was beautiful and romantic even if it was to apologize for hitting him over a broken phone. His boyfriend wasn’t much for apologies but when he did it was very sweet yet as per usual Armin of course blamed himself anyways.

 

Armin groaned and flopped onto his side, memories and thoughts were plaguing his mind. How bored could one possibly get?

 

Ok, so Jean wasn’t here. Armin huffed, puffing his cheeks out before getting up from the couch. He slowly wandered to the kitchen and explored the contents. Anything seemed good right now. Keeping it relatively simple he made some toast and poured some orange juice.

 

The day went slow and boring. It was nearing midnight when Armin let out a long yawn. He was lying on the couch in the dark, the television light illuminating his pale form. He heard the door click open and he popped up looking over the couch to see his boyfriend walking in.

 

They both looked at each other and Armin smiled softly, “Welcome home.”

 

“I told you not to stay up,” Jean shifted through the dark dropping his keys down on the table. He staggered a little and shifted, walking over towards the blonde boy. He leaned down and kissed the blonde long and hard.

 

Armin could taste something on Jean’s mouth but he couldn’t quite place it, some kind of alcohol, maybe. “Were you out drinking?”

 

“Was out with a friend,” Jean responded and tipped the blonde’s face up to look him in the eyes, “I had a few.”

 

“Oh,” Armin furrowed his brows with concern, “You shouldn’t drive when you’ve been drinking, Jean…”

 

“I’m not drunk or anything but your lips taste sweet,” Jean’s eyes gazed into those pretty blue eyes, “What did you get into while I was gone?”

 

Armin tried to look away but Jean grasped his chin with his hand, “I-I… I’m sorry!”

 

Jean grasped the blonde’s wrist and pulled him up roughly, “Ok, this time I have to show you how serious of a problem this actually is.” He shoved the boy into the bathroom and stood at the doorway, “Get rid of it.”

 

“W-what?” Armin blinked his expression shocked as he tried to find more words, “N-no… I…”

 

Jean sighed in annoyance, “Do I have to force you? Do it.”

 

Armin dropped hesitantly to the floor and hovered over the toilet, “I really don’t think -.” Jean grabbed the back of Armin’s hair and roughly shoved him so he was fully leaning over the bowl.

 

“Right now.”

 

Armin felt tears sting the corners of his eyes. He let out a small sob but slowly and hesitantly he jabbed a finger down his throat. It was disgusting and awful; he gagged and coughed feeling his throat burn as the few cookies he indulged himself with mixed with bile and juice. He really couldn’t make out anything else. It was disgusting and Armin wanted to never have to do that again.

 

Shakily Armin wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked up at Jean’s satisfied face, “Jean…” He really wanted to defend himself but felt it best to stay quiet. His hand reached up to rid the toilet of the contents and slowly stood up.

 

Armin felt his wrist get grabbed and he stumbled forward as Jean tugged him along. They went to the bedroom and a small yelp escaped the blonde as he was shoved down onto the bed roughly and felt his pants being shrugged off him.

 

Armin had never felt so horrible and guilty in all his life. He willed it in himself to believe he deserved everything he got that night.

 

When he woke his body hurt, it was littered in various bruises and he limped slightly as he made his way down the stairs. It was past noon but Armin needed the rest. He spotted Jean in the kitchen making some coffee for himself.

 

Armin took a long, deep breath, “Morning… er- Afternoon…”

 

Jean grabbed his cup full of coffee and leaned down to kiss the blonde, “You must have been tired.”

 

Armin bit his lip a little then looked up at Jean tentatively, “Do you love me?”

 

“Of course I do,” Jean didn’t hesitate his answer but Armin felt a little insecure, “Also, you got a call this morning from that job. You have an interview tomorrow at two.”

 

Armin’s blue eyes lit up and he smiled widely, “Really?” Jean nodded.

 

A squeak of excitement let the blonde and Jean sighed, “Don’t get too excited yet, it’s just an interview.”

 

“I know…” Armin whispered bit his smile still stayed. He wanted to talk about last night but the words ended up scrambled in his mind but if he didn’t say something he would go crazy, “About last night…”

 

“What about last night?”

 

“I messed up, I know that, but you hurt me…”

 

Jean sighed and took his hand brushing his fingers through Armin’s hair, “I got you something.”

 

Armin perked up a little and blinked as Jean grabbed a wrapped box off the counter that now was placed in his hand. “W-what… is it?”

 

Jean gestured for the boy to open it.

 

Armin carefully pulled the ribbon off the box and tugged the cover off of it. Inside sat a small gold bracelet with a tiny heart dangling from the middle of it. With wide eyes Armin felt at a loss for words, “It’s pretty… I don’t usually wear jewelry…”

 

Jean raised an eyebrow, “I can take it back if you don’t want it.”

 

“No, no! I love it. Thank you.” Carefully Armin clasped the bracelet around his wrist and smiled.

 

Jean caressed the small of Armin’s back and kissed the top of his head, “It looks good on you.”

 

“I feel bad. I don’t have anything for you,” Armin cuddled close into Jean’s chest, “I really don’t deserve something so pretty.”

 

With a carefree shrug Jean said nothing and passed the blonde without a word.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The drama continues with more of the story! I really hope I've been improving on my writing.

* * *

 

 

 

Armin ran his fingers over the ends of the books in the book store he was now in reading each name as he did. They were shopping, well, Jean went to get his hair cut and Armin decided to visit the bookstore. He wanted so many but for today he could only browse.

 

Without looking he took a few steps back and he felt himself bump into someone, he turned around swiftly and looked at a strangely familiar face. Or rather those intense grey eyes. “I-I’m sorry, I really should watch where I’m going…”

 

Grey eyes squinted at him, “You, you’re the brat from the other day.”

 

Armin ducked his head and tugged at the sleeves of his sweater, “Y-yeah, I just moved in to the building.” His eyes focused strangely on the other man’s perfectly cleaned black shoe, “My name is Armin.”

 

The man scoffed, “Watch where you’re going next time, brat.”

 

Armin tensed but looked up at the man, “I know, sorry.”

 

“You apologize too much…” The man rolled his eyes and noticed the blonde’s tense nature, “Relax, I’m not that pissed off.”

 

With a sigh Armin gazed down to the book the man held and his eyes brightened and a small smile grazed his lips, “I love that book! The author is so engaging with his stories… It’s one of my favorite book series. That’s the newest one right?”

 

“Oh,” With a glance from the book back to the boy the man spoke again, “It is.”

 

Armin’s smiled his face lite up with excitement, “I just, well, I like how creative people can be and the way the author describes everything makes me feel like I’m there. It kind of gives me a moment to escape reality. P-plus I love how open the author writes the characters relationships… I mean, it’s got a bit of everything… I even convinced my boyfriend to read it. He loves it too.”

 

“Well aren’t you a pocket full of sunshine and rainbows…” The man rolled his eyes and turned to walk towards the checkout counter.

 

“W-wait… I, um… I don’t know your name…” Armin’s cheeks flushed feeling a bit embarrassed or more because he found the man endearing, “Well, I mean… if we ever see each other around or something.”

 

“Levi.”

 

That was all it took for Armin’s heart to skip a beat. The man turned back and left the boy who stood in a daze his eyes unable to be torn away until the man was out of sight, “Levi…”

 

Armin bit his lip and darted out of the store looking around through the lightly crowded shopping area. Levi was nowhere in sight and the blonde felt disappointed. Why did he want to stay, talk and spend time with the man? Friendship maybe or perhaps something more… No, no, no… he couldn’t think like that. He had Jean, he loved Jean.

 

A bit disappointed that Levi gone and also because he felt a little guilty feeling these things it would be best to stay away from the man. Besides how could he just assume Levi’s preferences?

 

Armin jumped as a hand touched his shoulder. He turned around and smiled, “Jean!” He observed the trimmed cut of his boyfriend’s hair, “You look nice.” Slowly he reached up to run a hand through his hair but Jean grabbed it.

 

“What were you doing?” Jean questioned looking down at the blonde with intense eyes.

 

“I was just… I was looking around the book store…” Armin peered up ever so slightly.

 

Jean’s eyes narrowed, “Who was the guy?”

 

Armin shot up, “W-who?”

 

“The short guy.”

 

“Oh… that’s Levi, he lives in our building. I bumped into him the other day when I had gone out…”

 

Jean slowly released the small hand and instead grabbed his arm, “Come on, I’m going to get a coffee.”

 

Armin winced a little due to the tightened grip and followed Jean doing his best to keep up with his long strides, “I-I thought we were going to go home after…”

 

“No, I’m going to grab some lunch too.” Jean sent the boy a smirk and Armin just went to staring at the tiled floor as they walked.

 

The smell of food wafted into the blonde boy’s nose. Oh god, this was torturous. Armin slumped down on a chair at a nearby table. He felt himself grit his teeth and he glanced over at Jean who was at some Thai restaurant or something. With his elbows propped up on the table he held his thumb to his lip and slowly nibbled on the nail.

 

Jean rejoined the blonde and sat down his tray. Armin felt his stomach twinge with hunger as he observed the Thai curry soup and coffee his boyfriend had placed down. It looked heavenly to the blonde yet he knew he couldn’t.

 

“Is something wrong?” Jean questioned taking a sip of coffee.

 

Armin looked up weakly flashing the best smile that he possibly could. His hand went to tug gently on the strings of his sweater, “Just tired.”

 

“You slept in really late. I figured you’d feel rested.”

 

“W-well, sometimes getting too much sleep can leave you even more exhausted…” Armin glanced up, “But I’m fine, really.”

 

“I don’t know why you wore those jeans today. They’re really too tight on you.”

 

Armin bit his lip, “I… I suppose they are.”

 

It really truthfully was like torture to sit there, the smell of food seemed stronger and he just wanted to eat anything, it didn’t matter at this point. His face contorted to a bit of pain but he tried to settle his nerves with small slow breaths.

 

You can do this… just focus, you need to do this. You’re too fat and you know it. Jean will leave you. No one will want you. Stop being so weak! Armin’s mind fought against the pain of his body. “Jean, I need to use the bathroom… I’ll be right back.”

 

“We’re going soon, don’t be too long…”

 

Armin shot up from the table and walked briskly to the washrooms. He locked himself into the furthest stall and leaned over the toilet letting himself gag and cough. Nothing seemed to come up. Of course there wouldn’t be. He had nothing to bring up. Slowly he slid down to the floor and pulled his knees close to his chest and let out quick breaths in hopes to calm his mind and body.

 

Home, Armin just wanted to go home. But he wasn’t quite sure which home he really meant. Back home with his grandfather, his family. Yet, no, Jean his home was with Jean. Armin shook his head and pulled himself up from the floor. No, no, no stop being stupid.

 

Pressing a hand gently against his stomach he unlocked the stall door and leaned over the sink and gently rubbed his face with warm water. I’m being such a child he thought to himself as he pat his wet hands down over his jeans carelessly.

 

Armin looked into the mirror, he licked his dry lips and put on a smile, well, more of a forced smile but he didn’t seem to even notice that himself.

 

Jean was waiting by the door and it startled the blonde a little but Armin continued to give a smile, “Sorry…” He muttered rubbing a hand gingerly over his sore stomach, “Just an upset stomach. It’ll pass.”

 

“Well, luckily for you I’m done here so we’re leaving.”

 

Armin nodded yet his smile had faded. Everything about Armin seemed to be fading, slowly but surely his enthusiasm for life was fading. The more he fought against that factor the more things seemed to work against him.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Armin rubbed his forehead with one hand trying to ease the headache that just would not subside. He perched himself on a chair in a small office room hoping he looked relatively composed and put together. His leg bobbed in a nervous fashion and he exhaled a long breath.

 

Here he was at his interview. He brushed his hands down over the front of the vest he wore paired with a pale blue short sleeved dress shirt. Unfortunately he didn’t have any well-tailored dress pants so he decided on a well fit pair of black jeans.

 

Just as he brushed some hair behind his ear the door cracked open and a woman stuck her head in. She was small, with strawberry blonde hair and an eye color similar to Jeans. He observed her as she walked over a clip board in hand as she propped a chair up nearby the blonde boy.

 

Armin read her name tag, Petra. She held her hand out to the blonde as she spoke, “Hello there, your name is Armin yes?”

 

“Y-yes,” Armin wanted to slap himself for sounding so nervous so he cleared his throat and shook her hand, “Nice to meet you, um, Petra.”

 

“Oh yes, my name is Petra of course, the name tag,” She leaned back and observed his application, “So you’ll be going to school soon yes?” He nodded, “Ok, but you can be as flexible with your time as much as you can yes?”

 

“I can,” Armin confirmed with a smile, “I have all morning classes so I’ll have evenings and weekends free.”

 

She jotted some notes down and smiled at the boy, “Ok, now, you don’t have any previous experience but you’re extracurricular and volunteer work is impressive!” She looked to be scanning the papers then looked back at him, “You seem like a very bright young man. You have experience working with people.”

 

“Yes, I ran a few fund raisers for my school and did plenty of tutoring.” He wishes he could pass odd the tenseness in his body, and oh god the anxious nausea was getting to him, he really hoped none of that was showing.

 

“Ok, well, a little about the job. The basics would be handling the orders. Making coffee’s, lattes, and other specialty drinks. We have more of our senior workers do food prep and cooking so it’s fairly straight forward. Also cleaning tables, counters and nightly cleanup is on the list as well but mandatory for all workers.”

 

Armin swallowed, feeling an annoying lump form in his throat, “Of course. I’m perfectly ok doing any of that.”

 

“Ok, well, lastly you might have to deal with complaints every now and then.  Unfortunately we can’t please everyone, how would you handle that?” She took her eyes away from the papers and crossed her legs looking at him with a curious look.

 

“Well,” Armin cleared his throat, “I would accommodate for customers to the best that I can, keep calm and reassure them of the mistake. In the end keeping it in restriction to what we can offer and finding a mutual ground between the two is best.”

 

Oh god, I sound like an idiot. Armin scolded himself and bit his lower lip ever so slightly. He watched with anticipation as Petra continued to make little notes and hell he wished he could read them… It was nerve racking and making him paranoid.

 

With a small smile she looked up at the weakly smiling blonde, “Do you have any questions for me?”

 

Armin looked at her blankly and felt himself strangely at a loss for words. This wasn’t like him. Blinking a few times he opened his mouth to speak but really had no words to say. Just say something idiot, he scolded himself, “N-no, I don’t.”

 

Her smile stayed and she gradually stood up, “Well, it was a pleasure to meet you, we’ll be sure to give you a call when a decision has been made.” Again she held out her hand.

 

Armin shook her hand again but this time it was a little weaker, “Nice to meet you too and thank you for the interview.”

 

Once they left the room and out to the store front Armin gave one last smile and turned, he let out a long breath and walked out the door. It was sunny out and a little humid. He could feel small beads of sweat form and instantly missed the air conditioned café.

 

The streets that afternoon were crowded and Armin felt himself being bumped into various times by people and it was probably since he was still in a partial disbelief at his demeanor during that interview. Jean was probably right though. Someone else would probably get the job. Someone better looking, someone smarter.

 

The crosswalk changed signs and he made his way to the other side and continued down the street to their apartment. He felt nervousness take over his mind and it felt like everyone was staring at him, judging him even.

 

Armin fumbled for his keys and shakily unlocked the lobby doors. A pleasant burst of cold air hit his skin and he let out a sigh. It was quiet inside, no more prying eyes or judging faces. He felt disappointed and just wanted to curl up in bed and never leave.

 

Finally after the elevator came and went taking him to the right floor his eyes fixated on the door the Jean and his apartment. Jean would give him the - I told you so kind of comment but Armin braced himself by assuming it true anyways. What he really just wanted to do was curl up in bed, sulk, watch a sappy movie and binge on double chocolate ice cream but that wasn’t going to happen.

 

Might as well go in and sulk anyways. He clicked the door open and stopped slightly as he heard Jean’s voice. Who was he talking to? Probably on the phone, Armin wasn’t much to spy on Jean. He trusted him and never really felt he needed to.

 

‘Yeah, this weekend’s great.’ Pause. ‘I’ll pick you up. Great, see you then.’

 

Who was he going to see? Armin bit his lip feeling jealousy come over him, but no Jean was probably just meeting a friend. So with a pressed on smile Armin and pushed open the door, “I’m home.”

 

Jean was putting his phone down as the blonde entered and grabbed for bottle of water that sat on the bar table, “Hey,” He eyed the boy as he watched him shut the door behind him.

 

“It’s so hot out there.” Armin muttered brushing the small bit of sweat from his brow away.

 

“How’d it go?”

 

Armin pulled off his shoes and then shrugged slightly, “It went fine.”

 

“Where’s my coffee?”

 

Armin simply blinked, “Oh shit, I’m so sorry! I forgot…”

 

“Really, you forgot?” Jean looked annoyed and crossed his arms, “I don’t know how the hell you’d forget considering you were in the store.”

 

Armin gave a small apology then went still and silent. He felt Jean approach him and tensed himself for the punishment.

 

Jean simply leaned down and pressed up close to his ear, “You are so useless. You know that right?” He tipped the blondes chin up and the stare sent a chill up Armin’s spine, “Day, after day, you just show me more ways someone can just fuck up.”

 

“I know…”

 

“Pathetic…” Jean shoved the smaller backwards.

 

Armin felt himself lose his footing and fell to the floor a slight whimper left his lips as he landed. He looked up at Jean hesitantly, “Y-you were right… I probably won’t get that job…” It was slow but Armin pulled himself up off the floor.

 

“Of course,” Jean muttered moving in close slowly unbuttoning Armin’s vest, then his shirt, “You haven’t eaten have you?”

 

Armin shook his head, “N-no of course not… I-I need to lose weight so...”

 

“Good…” Jean slowly tugged off the garments and observed the boy pressing him up against a wall, kissed him roughly and then slid his mouth down to his neck sucking then kissing the flesh there.

 

Armin melted into it the tenseness in his body lessened ever so slightly and a sound of pleasure left his lips. Jean was rough but skillful as he touched, licked and sucked every part of his skin all the way down to his navel. Then it stopped and Armin wanted to whine in protest until Jean came back up to face him and grabbed his chin roughly in his hand.

 

“What would you do without me…?” The breath ghosted across his cheek and Armin couldn’t help but close his eyes, “Look at me… you’d be nothing without me. Worthless, useless, pathetic and anyone that meets you would know.”

 

“Why? Why would you say that…?” With hurtful eyes he looked into Jeans. That comment was enough to send Armin’s tears over the edge.

 

“Look,” Jean now moved his hand and brushed some of the tears away from his cheek and spoke low, “I’m just protecting you. Even with all those faults you’re mine. No one else would accept that. I’m telling you this so that you understand.”

 

“Jean… I-,”

 

“Shh…” A finger pressed to his lips, “Quiet.”

 

Armin’s tears didn’t stop and his sweet demeanor seemed to crumble beneath him. Jean’s words were hurtful but he was right. It saved him a worse pain from hearing it from someone else. Jean only said these things in a way to help not hurt, that was exactly it…

 

“I…I love you… I’m sorry you have to put up with me,” Armin forced a weak smile and looked into those golden eyes. To Armin they were beautiful and pulled you in. He loved them. It was what had drawn him in, “Kiss me…”

 

Their lips joined in a sweet manner; it wasn’t sloppy but skilled as Jean’s tongue explored his mouth with dominance. It was how Jean liked it and Armin let him have it that way.

 

Armin tentatively put his arms around Jean’s shoulders running a hand through the short newly trimmed hair. A subtle moan coursed through the blonde’s throat as the kiss intensified. The two shuffled clumsily to the couch and Armin leaned over it. Somewhere in between the kissing and couch his pants had become unbuttoned and where slowly shimmied down.

 

Jean’s hands ran up and down the Armin’s sides and kissed the nape of his neck and down his spine then traced his fingers to the blonde’s entrance grazing it ever so slightly sending a shock of pleasure his way.

 

“I’m going to fuck you…so hard,” Jean’s words whispered seductively in Armin’s ear. It was lustful, gruff, and oh how it definitely was a turn on.

 

Armin gasped out. Jean’s hands worked like magic on his body sending it into little shivers, he nearly melted in a pool of pleasure. But then something changed. The motions seemed to change from gentle to rough.

 

Before he knew it Armin felt himself on the floor staring up into lust filled eyes. Jean had him pinned down hard, hard enough to leave bruises. It was different now as Armin’s pleasure turned to pain. There wasn’t much prep for what was about to come and he felt terrified. He tried to protest but he felt a harsh smack to the face and his arm was bent awkwardly enough to ward concern. Almost as if it was bent just a little further it would break.

 

So he bit back his words and held them on his tongue. He was right. It hurt. So he closed his eyes tightly and assured himself that everything would be ok. That everything _was_ ok.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was a few days later but the mirror showed him the bruises he wore. The marks were dark in some places and not in others but they were there to remind him of his worth. He watched the bracelet dangle gently at his wrist in the reflection as he brushed down his disheveled freshly clean hair.

 

Carefully he wrapped a towel around his waist and hesitated on going out to face his boyfriend. He ran his fingers over the fresh blotched bruising on his neck and left arm. Some were from the intense biting and kisses. The rest were mostly brought on by force but Armin assumed he was just being difficult and Jean couldn’t help it.

 

With a small sigh he turned to his side observing his body. He grimaced and observed the curves of his soft skin. “Too fat,” He muttered aloud with a frustrated sigh.

 

As he walked out he noticed Jean coming down from the bedroom dressed in what seemed to be work out gear. His attention turned to the blonde and Armin quickly turned his attention away.

 

“I’m going to the gym, I’ll be about an hour… make sure you have dinner made when I get home,” Jean grabbed his keys then before he opened the door he turned back to the blonde, “I’d suggest you come along but you’d just slow me down.”

 

Armin let out a small breath and looked up timidly, “Y-yeah… be careful and… I love you.”

 

As the door clicked shut Armin crept up the stairs and pulled on sweats and a t-shirt. Gently he lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. It felt heavenly and his eyes fluttered shut. Maybe a nap wouldn’t hurt.

 

It was almost instantly but the blonde drifted off to sleep.

 

The time passed quickly oblivious to Armin as he slept but he was jolted awake. Hands grasped pulling him upward and off the bed in a state of grogginess, “What…?” He squinted as his eyes and recognized the person in front of him, “Jean… oh, you scared me… welco-.”

 

“You didn’t make dinner I see.”

 

Armin blinked then glanced at the table clock then back at Jean, “I’m so sorry… I must have drifted off. I’ll start right away!” Attempting to rush to the kitchen was quickly stopped as Jean’s grip on him didn’t release and he looked up at him with uncertainty.

 

“Look, when I tell you to do something you do it,” Jean paused for a moment and softened slightly, “If you love me, you’ll listen to me. Ok?”

 

“Jean, I…” Armin felt his words leave him and he felt his body go numb. In an instant he watched Jean lean down, loosened his grip and they kissed. It was soft and sweet, like before when they first started going out. He missed that. “I do love you, more than anything.”

 

It was dark and only the dimly lit lamp from downstairs was lighting the way as they went downstairs. Yet Armin started to cook, he wasn’t exactly sure what he should make but he grabbed a bag of frozen vegetables and took out a pan with quick thinking he looked over at Jean, “Stir fry ok?”

 

“Yeah sounds fine,” Jean sat at the bar table which faced the kitchen and nodded while he checked his phone for texts or messages.

 

Armin decided on a spiced vegetarian stir fry. Although he was nervous that he would screw it up and Jean would hate it. Yet he hovered and waited, his lips pressed into a line as he braced himself for a response.

 

Oh god the silence was killing him.

 

“So…” Armin spoke feeling a little uncomfortable he leaned over the table slightly with a small smile.

 

Jean glanced up and raised an eyebrow, “So?”

 

“How is it…?”

 

Jean shrugged, “It’s mediocre. For a moment there I expected you to be good at something.”

 

Armin was getting good at keeping up a smile lately, “I suppose so…” He pulled himself back away from the counter and sighed. Maybe it was from still being groggy but his emotions were all over the place. Yes a smile was easy to plaster on but inside he was screaming, “I did my best y’know…”

 

It wasn’t said loud but enough that Jean perked up, “Yeah your best is mediocre like everything you do.”

 

Armin clenched his fists, “Y-you could at least thank me…”

 

“Thank you for what? This poorly made meal?” Jean got up and approached the blonde who steeled himself.

 

“I just meant… that normally when people do nice things for the one they love they would thank them.” Armin spoke carefully but clearly keeping his head held high.

 

Jean laughed. Armin wasn’t sure if it was good or bad so he backed up ever so slightly.

 

“You know we haven’t even been living together for very long but you sure do learn slowly.” Jean pulled the boy towards the door, “You’re becoming a pain.”

 

“Jean I-!”

 

Armin felt Jean grab his wrist and as he waited for some sort of pain. It didn’t happen but a soft sob escaped the blonde why jean snapped the bracelet off of the thin wrist. “You can have this back when you deserve it.”

 

His heart broke along with the bracelet and he watched Jean toss it carelessly on the countertop.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Armin had taken to wearing collared shirts and long sleeves and he knew very well what he was hiding but he ignored the problem at hand. His love for Jean weighed out stronger than some silly bruises and marks.

 

It had been over a week and his university classes would start soon, which would be a welcoming change of pace. He never did hear back from the job but he just made the fact certain that Jean was right.

 

Armin had become more withdrawn and his shyness was more prevalent than ever, lately finding himself unable to hold his head high and his confidence had flickered out like a candle slowly burning away.

 

Today though he was enjoying the quiet atmosphere of one of his favorite places, the local library, a vast expanse of knowledge he had easy access to. He preferred books over digital material and he could lose himself in the words they held. Sometimes it didn’t matter the contents of the book, he just liked learning.

 

It was nostalgic as he signed a stack of books out at the library counter and shoved them in his backpack, much like he would as a child. But now the cheeky smile had faded to a solemn expression but he thanked the librarian anyway and he went on his way.

 

It was hot and humid and he wished he didn’t wear the sweltering turtle neck sweater. He stopped at a bench out from and sat down, it was shaded by a tree and it felt good. He could see nature’s wrath taking hold as the colors of the leaves had changed and things had wilted ever so slightly.

 

The flower garden, that he assumed was once bountiful and filled with beauty, was also showing its signs of change much like himself as of late.

 

A street vendor was nearby selling food and various things, a few people passing by ordered and Armin felt like it would be a complete relief to his body to just simply give in to itself. He dug his nails through his faded blue jeans enough he could feel through the material and to his skin. He grits his teeth and shot up from the bench and here he gave in buying a pouch of salted fries.

 

Quickly he returned to the bench and at first slowly nibbled on the crispy exterior of the food then he just shoved one after another into his mouth. It was a simple food and nothing overly delicious but to Armin it was heavenly. It felt like forever since food had even touched his lips. His mind was void of any negative thoughts for that moment and he grabbed the water bottle attached at the side of his backpack and chugged it.

 

A few little birds bounced around the bench in hopes for some left over crumbs and Armin simply stared at them for a few moments as the harsh reality dawned over him. What has he done? Everything he worked so hard for to please Jean ruined from a moment of weakness!

 

Armin launched himself up from the bench and slung his backpack over a shoulder and ran well, as well as his battered weakened body could. He found himself rounding the back of the library where it was quiet and no prying eyes in sight. His backpack was dropped to the ground and his leaned over forcing his fingers down his throat.

 

Gagging and coughing Armin could feel the burning in his esophagus as he expelled the food. Tears from pain formed in his eyes and afterwards he staggered backward taking in small breaths. Carelessly he wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his sweater and collapsed next to his backpack.

 

“You know there are benches out front to sit on.”

 

Armin blinked and looked up with glassy eyes, “Oh, you,” Was all he muttered while peering up at a familiar face.

 

“Yeah, what the fuck are you doing back here?”

 

“Sitting,” Armin stated keeping his eyes fixated on grey eyes, “Levi, yeah?”

 

With a nod the man crossed his arms then glanced to the ground beside him and groaned in disgust, “Fucking disgusting. You ate the street side food, no wonder you got sick. Who knows what kind of shit grows around those filthy carts.”

 

Armin hummed in response, “Well, why are you back here?”

 

“Well, that’s really none of your business kid but if you must know I passed through here using it as a short cut. But right now I wished I hadn’t.”

 

Armin weakly pulled himself up and brushed his jeans off in random spots, “Yeah, sorry. I have that effect on people.” He seemed to struggle with his backpack as he pulled it over his lithe, thin shoulders, “Are you going home?”

 

With a sigh Levi knew what the blonde boy was suggesting but for some reason he nodded.

 

“Mind if we walk together?” Armin asked, now back to his usual behavior, ducked his head low and spoke softly

 

“I guess so but if you’re going to be sick again please don’t be near me,” Levi could barely see the small smile that appeared on the boy’s hidden gaze. His blonde bangs hung low and Levi really wanted to suggest the boy trim them but it really was none of his business nor did he want to create any more form of attachment.

 

Armin nodded and he chased after Levi who had already started down a small walkway that had worn away a small part of the grass. They emerged out onto a sidewalk and Armin glanced around trying to figure out their location, “How long have you lived here?”

 

“Too long.”

 

“How long is too long?”

 

“Longer than you.”

Armin frowned, “You’re no fun. Well, do you work nearby?”

 

“No.”

 

“No?”

 

“I’m a writer.”

 

“Really?” Armin perked up with a hint of excitement, “What do you write?”

 

“This and that,” Levi muttered pulling out a cigarette from his back pocket, lite it and pushed it to his lips, “You’re awfully nosey, kid.”

 

“I’m not a kid, I’m eighteen… I’ll be nineteen in a few months so really I’m no kid,” Armin huffed.

 

“You don’t look it, but whatever, then let me ask,” Levi exhaled some smoke, “What brings you here?”

 

Armin bit his lip and tried to fan the smoke away from his face as they walked, “I’m going to Sina U starting next week,” The blonde’s words were proud as he responded with a grin.

 

“Ah,” Levi tapped his foot against the cement walk and watched the pedestrian sign ahead of them waiting for a chance to walk or maybe he was just eager to get away.

 

Armin could see the man’s apprehensiveness and bit his lip, “Sorry…”

 

The rest of the trip was quiet and Armin was starting to feel weak, his body felt oddly cold but the heat still formed beads of sweat on his forehead and the back of his neck. Levi looked unaffected by the heat strangely and he pulled open the lobby door to the apartment building. Armin trailed behind them and they both stood awkwardly at the elevator door watching the numbers slowly tick down until it finally opened.

 

Armin hit the twenty-third floor and Levi hit the thirty-fourth. A small sigh escaped Armin’s lips and he leaned against the wall of the elevator feeling rather exhausted. Levi kept his eyes forward, “You really should dress for the weather, just a tip kid.”

 

Armin merely groaned pushing his bangs up brushing away the disgusting warm grittiness of the sweat that formed there. He felt gross and dirty but yeah Levi was right. Yet he couldn’t really, could he?

 

“You live… pretty far up… must get hot up there…” Armin muttered glancing over at the other man.

 

“I have an air conditioner.”

 

“Oh.”

 

The elevator dinged and Armin shuffled out turning to look at Levi with a weak smile, “See you later, Levi.”

 

Levi said nothing and the door closed leaving Armin to simply walk down the hall to the apartment. He unlocked the door and slipped inside spotting Jean and some other guy sitting on the couch watching something on the television.

 

Armin dropped his bag down and Jean and the other boy turned to look at him.

 

“Uh, Hi…” Armin looked at Jean then at the other boy with a hint of curiosity.

 

“Hey Armin,” Jean smiled and Armin couldn’t help but smile sweetly back to him, “Remember, this is the guy that delivered the TV that day.”

 

Armin sort of recognized him, he didn’t have on that tacky work uniform and instead had a loose fitting green tank and beige cropped cargo pants, “Oh yeah…”

 

“Yeah, so you’re this horse faced bastard’s boyfriend, yeah?”

 

Armin’s eyes widened and he looked over at Jean who seemed to scowl and smacked the guy on the back of the head, “Fuck off, I don’t have a fucking horse face, enough of that.”

 

“Ow, jeez…Well my sister even agreed you did!”

 

Armin felt a little awkward and out of place he tugged off his sneakers and brushed some hair behind his ear. That must have been the friend he mentioned having drinks with, “What’s your name?”

 

“Oh, it’s Eren. Jean told me yours but I forgot…”

 

“Armin.”

 

“Ah, yeah that’s it! I suck at remembering names.” Eren tossed his feet up on the coffee table.

 

Armin noticed Jean’s unsettling stare he was giving him and the blonde tried to shrink into himself, “So, um…”

 

“You should so join us!” Eren grinned widely at the blonde and Armin somehow felt a little more at ease with someone else there.

 

With a small smile Armin nodded and took a free seat in between the two. He really wasn’t sure how Jean and Eren ended up becoming friends. Jean didn’t mention anything about him yet then again Jean didn’t share much of anything as of late.

 

Armin took observations, Eren was pretty nice looking. He had messy brown hair and green eyes. His build was similar to Jean’s but he looked to be a bit shorter. His skin was more tanned but not in an extreme way. It seemed to be a more natural tone then anything.

 

Curiosity filled Armin, he wanted to ask questions, get to know Eren better. If he was going to be a regular visit being Jean’s friend and all Armin really wanted to know more about him. But would Jean be mad? Slowly he fumbled and tugged on the sleeves of the sweater and did his best to focus on whatever show they were watching.

 

“Armin.”

 

It was Jean. Quickly he snapped his attention up to look at his boyfriend, “Y-yeah?”

 

“Grab us some drinks from the fridge.”

 

Armin nodded a little and briskly walked into the kitchen and scanned the fridge of its contents. Oh god if he brought the wrong thing Jean would be mad. With quick thinking and running on a mere hope Armin grabbed two bottles of soda and handed one to Jean and one for Eren.

 

“Oh yeah, some snacks too? Oh the chocolate cover pretzels.”

 

Armin bit his lip and sighed, he swore Jean was doing this on purpose especially since chocolate covered pretzels were Armin’s absolute favorite snack. With a sigh he dumped them into a bowl and returned putting it on the middle of the coffee table before flopping back down on the couch.

 

Eren grabbed the bowl and shoved one into his mouth, “Oh gawd… these are awesome!” Armin kept his eyes forward and he felt the bowl nudge against his arm, “Have sum.”

 

Armin gave a forced smile, “N-no thanks.”  He waved a hand to dismiss the offer and Eren shrugged he handed them across to Jean.

 

Jean then leaned over and smacked Eren on the back of the head causing the other boy to yelp and glare, “What the hell- like what the fuck, I didn’t do anything!”

 

Jean grinned, “Just cuz.”

 

“Horse face.”

 

“Asshole.”

 

Armin wanted to disappear right now. The new friendship they held seemed strange and odd. It confused him and he couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. He never really had close friends until he got together with Jean.

 

“I’m going to go shower,” Armin said in between the childish banter, which Jean just nodded a little in response.

 

As Armin shut the bathroom door he cried. It just came without warning and hit him hard. He couldn’t stop the sobs that accompanied it. His hands fumbled to turn on the shower hoping it would muffle the cries.

 

Stop crying, he cursed to himself, you’re so pathetic! Worthless!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love runs pretty deep. Can Armin get himself out of a bad situation before it's too late?
> 
> Thanks for the support on the first chapter. I apologize for not responding but I want you all to know that all the comments and kudos are very very much appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mmm k, I jump around a bit in this chapter and near the end I do a little time jump. Also sorry if the quality of writing isn't up to par, Iast week for me was kinda rough. But as usual, thank you all for your ongoing support. I just have to say it every time. :) I may over dramatize things but in all seriousness abusive relationships are not good and are hard to break out of.

* * *

 

 

 

 

It was early and Armin’s morning classes would start soon but instead of being up and about getting himself ready he was instead still curled up in bed. He never felt this bad in all his life and his body felt like it weighed a ton. A small whine left his lips and he curled up into himself, he didn’t really feel like doing anything today. Just sleep.

 

“I have to get up…” He muttered pulling his sluggish body out of bed. His lips pressed into a thin line he pulled on a pair of jeans that seemed somewhat looser. He couldn’t help but smile at the fact and he hoped Jean would notice. He hummed softly and decided on a long sleeve baby blue button up to finish the outfit off.

 

Slowly he tip toed down the stairs and noticed Jean drinking a smoothie he must have made, “Good morning…” Armin spoke in his gentle tone of voice and Jean just looked at him with little expression.

 

“I almost left without you,” Jean pulled the blonde in for a kiss and looked him over, “Eh? I don’t really care for that outfit on you.”

 

Armin stayed quiet and went still. Eventually Jean pulled away and slipped on his shoes and grabbed his backpack, “We should go, yeah?”

 

“I suppose so,” Jean grabbed his keys and the two went out the door.

 

Armin felt his head start to throb and he rubbed his forehead soothingly. Strangely though Armin wasn’t really looking forward to this and to be honest he really didn’t care if he went at all. Why should I even bother? He thought to himself as he stared out the car window.

 

Eventually he pressed his head up against the cold glass of the side window. It felt somewhat soothing and he just couldn’t ease the depression that haunted him. All he could think about was how worthless and pathetic of a person he was. He was just setting himself up for failure right?

 

Jean was pretty quiet too. Armin was a bit grateful for that because as much as he appreciated Jean’s honesty he was glad he wasn’t hearing it. This was university. A new environment that again he would never fit into, although normally he wasn’t really one that fit in with a crowd and he assumed it would be the same here as well. Considering all the faults Jean reminded him of he should just keep to himself…

 

His heart beat raced and his throat ran dry as panic set in. Why now? Armin wanted to cry. He didn’t want to do this anymore. He didn’t want any of it. Home, he just wanted to go home, he wanted to scream and tell Jean to take him home.

 

The closer they got the more Armin became agitated and squirmed uncomfortably on the seat, “Jean I…”

 

Glancing over at Armin raised an eyebrow, “What?”

 

“I…want… I need to go home…”  Armin said in between panicked breaths, “I can’t do this. I can’t. Please!”

 

Jean pulled into the parking lot and found an empty space. He turned to look at his boyfriend who looked white as a sheet, “Why? What’s wrong with you?”

 

“Please,” Armin’s eyes were brimming with tears, “I…”

 

“Are you really that pathetic that you can’t handle this?” Jean looked irritated but at the same time a hint of satisfaction could be seen in the slight grin his lips. But he turned away from his boyfriend and opened the door, “Stay here all day if you want to. You’d probably achieve just as much in here then out there.”

 

Armin was now full on crying. He just sat on the seat and heard Jean slam the car door. Was he really leaving me?  Armin glanced up. Jean was gone.

 

Slowly he unbuckled the seat belt and brushed his hands fiercely across his cheeks. Right now he hated himself for breaking down. His mind and body were now fighting against one another. In all honesty he wanted to go to his classes, learn and study but on the other hand his body just froze. His insecurities were much higher than usual.

 

Would people judge him? See that he was nothing but fat, stupid and ugly. There would be whispers and unwelcomed stares.

 

Timidly, Armin opened the car door and he crept out of the car. He locked the door, slung his backpack over his shoulder then made his way towards the doors and his hair hung loose and wispy doing his best to cover his face.

 

Just stay focused, you’re here to learn. Armin reminded himself with a small smile. What other people think doesn’t matter, right? Not everyone would be so judging.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The day went on fairly well and Armin sat perched on a bench outside the university. He sat cross-legged with a book propped open on his lap. Thankfully for Armin as the day went on his mind and body felt more relaxed.

 

The bench creaked ever so slightly next to him and his attention moved from the book to the girl next to him. She had her brown hair tugged up in a messy ponytail and she was sipping on a bottle of ice tea. She had ear buds in her ears and she tilted her head back and forth slightly to go along with the music she was listening to.  He watched her jump up with a squeak and hugged on to a shorter guy and chatted away to him low enough that Armin couldn’t hear.

 

Then he spotted Jean walking briskly up towards him, or rather he approached the girl from earlier and the shorter guy. Armin bit back a ‘hello’ and simply watched as Jean just out right ignored him or maybe he just didn’t notice him. Yet still Armin’s blue eyes glanced up then back down maybe trying to lean in to listen in on the conversation.

 

‘Oh, yeah, dude… we’ll so go out this weekend. Sash and I are both free!’

 

‘Drinks are on you then Jean!’ Sasha had leaned forward with a playful grin.

 

‘Yeah, yeah. A friend of mine said he’ll come along with his sister.’

 

Armin sighed and felt his mood twist and his hands clenched tightly on the book. In all honesty he was angry at Jean. He hated being left out especially when itinvolved _his_ boyfriend and ever since they moved out here together that’s what it always seemed to be like.

 

Jean’s was always a little aloof but now it had turned into something more. Armin loved Jean because he knew how kind and thoughtful knew he could be but there was just this side of him that was terrifying.

 

Yet here Armin was, he felt scared to approach him. All he did was watch, he watched Jean and his friends laugh and talk then soon they left together.

 

Armin slammed the book shut with an abnormal, for him at least, scowl across his face. He swore Jean saw him, really he did and did he introduce him to his friends or even say hello, no, no of course he didn’t.

 

Ok, ok, he probably just didn’t see you. Armin reassured himself taking in a calming breath as he shoved his book in his backpack. As he stood up he nearly bumped into someone but Armin stumbled backward anyways.

 

“Seriously?”

 

Armin however did recognize the voice. With a small shy smile he looked up at those incredible handsome sculpted features Levi held. A firm jaw line, perfect lips, and mysterious eyes even his skin was flawless.

 

Armin was envious. He tugged some stray hairs behind an ear, “L-Levi, what are you doing here?”

 

“I’m teaching a creative writing class…” Levi narrowed his eyes, “You did say you were going to University, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised to see you.”

 

“Oh,” Armin let out a soft hum, “You didn’t say you were going to be teaching here.”

 

“Well, I don’t just share my personal affairs with some strange kid,” Levi adjusted his shoulder bag and diverted his gaze, “Besides I only found out a few days ago.”

 

“I wish my schedule wasn’t so crammed… I’d love to try a writing class,” Armin mused, “I’m sorry if I’m holding you up or anything.”

 

With a quick glance at his phone Levi looked back at the blonde, “No, I’m going for lunch.”

 

Armin kicked at the ground with the front of his show shyly, “W-well… mind if I tag along?” Armin wanted to bite his words back feeling maybe he was coming across as a little clingy, “I mean… I don’t have class for another half an hour. Unless you want to go alone or just-.”

 

“Stop,” Levi said firmly, “Stop talking.”

 

Armin sighed, “I’m sorry, I kind of ramble when I’m nervous.”

 

“I’m making you nervous?” With a raised eyebrow he noted that the boy’s cheeks reddened, “Oh whatever. Just come along then.”

 

“W-well,” Armin trailed after Levi and gave him a genuine soft smile, “It’s funny we keep bumping into one another.”

 

“Tsk, not really kid,” Levi rolled his eyes, “First off we live in the same building and well right now I work and you study. The library was just a mere coincidence but whatever makes you happy.”

 

“How often do you teach your writing class?”

 

“Only twice a week each class runs in two hour sessions,” Levi sighed, “I’m more doing this for a friend.”

 

“I see,” Armin couldn’t help his smile, he likes talking to Levi. It was someone Armin felt he could relate to even if just a little. He really wanted a friend, “So, um, do you have a girlfriend… or w-well I mean are you with anyone?”

 

Levi sighed, “My statement stands about you... you are quite nosey. But no, I’m not with anyone if you really want to know.”

 

“Ah, I’ve been with my boyfriend for about six months… we moved here together to go to school,” Armin followed Levi to a restaurant where the man ordered a coffee some sort of pita wrap then followed him to a table.

 

They sat down and Levi couldn’t help but let out a slight laugh, “Six months is a little early to be moving in together don’t you think?”

 

“Well,” Armin sighed, “Maybe, but I love him… so it felt right.”

 

The two went silent and Armin glanced from Levi then down at the table. He watched as the man picked apart his food as if to inspect it for god knows what before putting any of it in his mouth.

 

Armin’s cheeks turned pink as a noise of hunger erupted from his stomach. Oh not now he groaned inwardly. He wished Levi didn’t hear the embarrassing noise but when he looked up at the man across the table he knew he had.

 

“You know if you’re hungry the food here’s not horrible,” Levi noticed Armin tense and he sighed, “I’ll pay for you.”

 

“No, no… please,” Armin plastered on a smile, “I can’t… I mean, I’m watching what I eat. That’s all.”

 

“Tch,” Levi put the plastic fork down on the wrapper and leaned back in his chair and he observed Armin’s tiny frame, “Whatever you say kid.”

 

“Anyways,” Armin so did not want to talk about food right now. He nervously ran a hand through his hair and fidgeted on the chair.

 

“Fuck, kid, just get something to eat… you’re ridiculously skinny as it is,” Levi sounded annoyed and Armin flinched a little at the change in tone.

 

“I… can’t,” Armin’s voice broke but he took in a deep breath hoping to keep himself calm.

 

“Ok, fine, whatever. It’s none of my business.”

 

“I got to go… I’ll be late for my next class,” Armin shifted up from the chair and sprinted away. Levi was judging him, he knew he was. I’m huge and he can see that, he’s mocking me. Jean is right, I can’t make any friends, and they’ll betray me, judge me and throw me away like a joke.

 

Armin hated running, or rather he wasn’t very good at running per say. He stumbled awkwardly and rushed off the school grounds and darted out into the street barely dodging the car that sped by. He stopped by an alleyway and leaned over breathing heavily. He was panicking, well -he was having a panic attack. His chest heaved as he did his best to catch his breath.

 

Scream. He really wanted to scream. Let out all his frustrations, anger and emotion but he bit it back.

 

Gradually he tugged his backpack off and rummaged through the front pouch in hopes he would have enough for bus fare and he could go home. Yeah, he knew he was running away from his problems and he didn’t have the strength to stand up and face them.

 

With a shaky hand he gripped the change he held. He pressed his lips in a thin line and now that his breathing had regulated he glanced around and went to the nearest bus stop. After questioning a few drivers for their directions he found one that would take him home. The bus wasn’t overly crowded and he was grateful. He took a seat near the back and leaned up against the window.

 

It wasn’t an overly long trip to get back to the apartment and when he did he let out a sigh of relief then slide down the door and sat on the floor.

 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Armin ran his shaky hands into his hair and shut his eyes tightly. So pathetic.

 

“I can’t do this…” Armin breathed out.

 

I’m a failure. Jean’s right, I’m nothing but pathetic. Why am I even trying anymore?

 

Armin felt tired, exhausted actually.

 

Somehow he had made his way up into the bedroom. His hands slowly worked the buttons on his shirt and he slid it down gently off his body. He licked his dry lips and focused on his body. Pinching gently at his skin he felt disgust in himself as he convinced himself he was huge. Tilting his head to the side he looked at his still round cheeks and sighed.

 

“I…I’m fat…” Armin muttered softly sitting down on the edge of the bed, “I’m useless… I can’t even make Jean happy. I’m not worth anything anymore.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Even to Armin’s surprise he kept returning back to his school classes. Although he simply kept to himself and always found secluded places to be in between classes. During the next few weeks the weather had started to become colder and the trees had started to wilt even more. Armin sat in class, his eyes gazing up to the front of the room blankly his left arm leaned on the desk and his hand propped under his chin.

 

His notebook remained blank as he mind went somewhere else while the lecture went on. Last night was awful and he had a splitting headache that now still persisted. Jean as well had grated on his depression that was quickly spiraling out of control.

 

All Armin could do to ease the pain was not being around other people. That meant no socially awkward moments, no lunch or food involved. It was easy –no questions. A sigh escaped his lips and he gulped down half a bottle of water. With his wavered focus he didn’t realize that the class had ended.

 

The last few students had left and Armin jumped up a little on his chair and glanced around. Slowly he shoved his books and papers he had into his bag and stood up slowly. Then it hit him. The room was spinning slightly and each time he blinked his eyes it got hazier. Then nothing, his legs gave out and he collapsed to the floor.

 

Everything was dark but gradually his eyes fluttered slowly open. His lips were dry and chapped. Realization dawned on Armin that he had passed out. How long was he out?

 

“You’re awake?”

 

Armin tugged himself up into a sitting position and looked into an unfamiliar face, “I…” His voice cracked and he rubbed his forehead, “Who are you?”

 

A girl was knelt down next to him, she was a fair skinned Asian with intense eyes and dark silky hair. She was beautiful. She reached out to steady him as he tried to stand, “I was about to call for help.”

 

“Sorry…” Armin muttered leaning against the girl for support, “I just… kind of blacked out.”

 

The girl’s dark eyes stared with concern, “Do you need to go to a doctor, hospital?”

 

“No, no,” Armin spoke a little more clearly now and he stepped away from the girl. He got a better look at her. To Armin she was beautiful, everything about her was perfect. He felt envious.

 

“I just happened to walk by and spotted you…” She said in a gentle voice.

 

Armin rubbed the back of his head, a small bump was there, probably from when he fell, “My name is Armin.”

 

“Oh, my name is Mikasa,” She glanced back towards the door then back at the blonde, “I do have to go meet someone… are you going to be alright?”

 

“I…” Quickly grabbing his backpack Armin smiled at the girl, “I’m great, thank you.”

 

She looked at Armin with a frown, “You look pale… I’m going to grab lunch with my brother and his friend. You want to come?”

 

“I… I it’s… um, well I’m not hungry,” Armin waved his hands and sent a cheeky grin her way, “But thanks.”

 

She turned to leave but then stopped looking over her shoulder at the boy, “Wait… are you Jean’s boyfriend?”

 

Armin blinked, “J-Jean Kirstein?”

 

“Yeah, that’s him.”

 

“I am…”

 

“Then maybe you should come along. Jean probably would want to know you were unwell…” Mikasa sighed, “I can’t wait too long. My brother and Jean act like immature children when they’re together.”

 

“E-Eren?”

 

“Yes, so you’ve met him too then?”

 

Armin nodded.

 

“So, coming?”

 

“N-no! I have some things I need to do. Tell Jean I said hello. It was nice to meet you Mikasa.” Armin left first and fast. Embarrassment flooded his mind as he sped off down a corridor however he didn’t really know where he was going but knew that he wanted to be alone.

 

Eventually he came to a stop and noted his hint of his reflection in a window. Oh how he looked like shit. Deep dark circles rimmed his eyes, his hair was mused and tousled and the way he carried himself was slack and weak. Ok, so he needed to get some much needed rest and sleep as soon as he could.

 

Also he didn’t see Levi since the day they last spoke. Armin felt like maybe that was for the best since he was convinced he made an absolute idiot of himself and Levi thought he was some freak or rather he was convinced it as fact.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was late and Armin assumed by now it was past midnight. A gasp of pleasure left his lips. Armin was currently mashed up against a wall as Jean pressed hard up against him grinding his arousal against him as they kissed sloppily.

 

Their shirts had long since been discarded and Armin felt Jean’s hands shift down. His pants were slowly being shimmied down and hands grasped at his ass.

 

The two broke their kissing just long enough for Armin to catch his breath. Jean’s voice sent a shiver down Armin’s spine as his hot breath tickled his neck, “You have lost a little weight haven’t you?”

 

Armin nodded slowly his face flushed as Jean’s hands skillfully ran over all his sensitive spots, “I-I have…”

 

“S’not enough though now is it?” Satisfied when Armin nodded again in agreement, Jean kissed him again, “Maybe now you can have that bracelet back. What do you think?”

 

Armin gave a small smile and wrapped his arms around Jean’s neck, “Maybe… I don’t think I deserve something so pretty.”

 

“Hmm, maybe you’re right,” Jean shoved Armin back causing the blonde to wince a bit in pain and pressed his wrists up against the wall, “Still, not good enough.”

 

“I agree…” His eyes looked hazy and tired as he looked deeply into Jeans, “But you know I’ll never be good enough. I know I’m not naturally beautiful… and I… I’m sorry. But I … I’ll do anything for you.”

 

By now Armin was used to the pain emotionally and physically. It was more natural and normal. Expected.

 

“Eren’s sister met you, or so I heard.”

 

Armin pouted a little as Jean pulled away leaving him a little flustered, “S-she did…”

 

“She said you were passed out in one of the classrooms.”

 

Armin rubbed his wrists a little and looked down at the floor then snatched his discarded shirt and slid it over his body, “Yeah… I-I wasn’t feeling good. I’m not really sure what happened. Maybe school’s just stressing me out a bit.”

 

“Then maybe you should drop out. If you’re that bad this early in you should consider it.”

 

Armin stayed still and kept his gaze pierced to the floor, “But I’m…” Slowly he clenched his fists, “I…I’m scared. I haven’t felt myself lately.”

 

Jean simply looked at his boyfriend, there wasn’t much for emotion there not that Armin could read him easily anyways. It was quiet and awkward. Jean shifted to the couch and sat back turning on the television as he did. Slowly Armin joined his boyfriend, he gently leaned up against his shoulder and to his surprise Jean laced an arm around his shoulder gently pulling him closer.

 

“What should I do…?” Armin’s voice was soft and unsure as he spoke. What he really wanted was advice and support from the one he loved.

 

“For what?” Jean questioned as he flipped through channels.

 

A soft sigh escaped Armin’s lips, “I… think we need to talk about some things.”

 

Jeans grasp on the blondes arm tightened, “Like?”

 

Armin tried to swallow but his throat was dry and uncomfortable, “I love you Jean… but I feel like since we’ve moved in together we’ve been drifting apart.”

 

“How so?”

 

Armin looked up into those incredible gold eyes and he slowly tried to form words, “You’ve been… -.”

 

“So you’re going to blame me for something?”

 

“N-no… I…”

 

“So I’m the blame for you being fat and it’s my fault you’re constantly screwing things up for yourself?” Jean shoved the boy away and Armin nearly fell from the couch.

 

“N-no!” Steadying himself, Armin looked at Jean with pleading eyes, “N-nothing is your fault… I just… want your support.”

 

“I give you my support!” Jean growled crossing his arms and propping a foot up on the coffee table.

 

“Sorry…” Armin muttered, “F-Forget I said anything…”

 

Jean looked nothing but pissed off now.  His gaze turned slowly to look at Armin, not with love but with anger.

 

Armin was grateful he braced for the hit that connected to his face. Although he wasn’t sure how it happened since now he was on the floor and he cried out in pain as a pain seared through his left hand as it was being stepped on as soon as he could move it he cradled it against his body. But that wasn’t the worst of it. Jean must have grasped onto his hair and was tugging it in a painful manor and Armin let out painful cries as he attempted to stumble up to his feet and get dragged to the direction Jean was leading him.

 

“Jean, stop!” Armin felt tears sting his eyes and he grit his teeth in pain, “Please…”

 

The pain stopped and so did the two boys. Armin looked up gently touching his sore lump that was forming on his eye that Jean had hauled off and smacked. The tension between the two was high and Jean looked to be apologetic.

 

“Look, Armin… I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Jean shuffled to the kitchen and grabbed some ice then wrapped it in a cloth, “Here…”

 

Shakily Armin reached out and grabbed it and placed it closely around his eye, “I know… I know… I shouldn’t put my silly problems on you like that.”

 

“I need to go out…” Jean muttered turning away from the boy quickly. “Don’t wait up for me.”

 

Armin felt his voice leave him as he gazed through his bangs at his boyfriend. He heard the door slam close he flinched and let out the deep breath he had been holding in.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Winter was approaching and the weather had become chilled and unwelcome by most. Armin was unable to warm himself. He curled up on the couch wearing a thick sweater and two blankets. Even the heat was turned up yet still he was freezing. He simply assumed he was just getting a cold and he rubbed his runny nose with the sleeve of his sweater.

 

Also he had his common throbbing headache and he sipped on a small cup of water. At some points he felt like he would just drop from exhaustion or freeze from cold. He wasn’t sure which.

 

A lot had gone on the past weeks and Armin wasn’t pleased with any of them or rather he was angrier at himself for letting them happen. He dropped out from University as was slowly unable to keep up anymore. Also what hit him the worst was that his grandfather had become more ill and this time it wasn’t just a simple cold.

 

To anyone’s first glance they would also see Armin as sickly thin. His clothes hung loosely around his body and his cheeks had thinned out a little. But to Armin every glance or look he gave himself in the mirror he saw that round face and accented baby fat that he just never got rid of. Nothing seemed to be going his way.

 

Jean had become scarcer and he knew he had been hanging out with Eren a lot. He felt jealous but he trusted Jean, well, deep down he was just a little scared that one day Jean would either get rid of him. At this point he knew he had nowhere to go if it came to that. He was alone and it scared him.

 

Right now he was sporting a black eye, a cut on his forehead which had happened the other day when Jean, wait, no,  Armin insist he had fell and all the bruises that riddled his body in strange shapes and colors.

 

His hair had become a little longer yet he trimmed his bangs himself so not to get in his eyes. It hung around his shoulders and he refrained from tacking it up in elastic since Jean hated it that way.

 

Truthfully he was depressed, alone and some days he wondered why he even existed. There were even secretly little small cuts that ran up his forearms, self-caused and only done when he was really having bad thoughts. Mostly it happened when he snuck food to eat or thought about binging on the entire contents of the fridge.

 

His lips were pressed into a thin line as he glanced to the kitchen then quickly back to the show he was watching.

 

Idiot, stop being so weak, his thoughts frustrated him and he chugged down the last bit of his water. A nap will help, yeah, get your mind off stupid things.

 

Armin drifted fast. His body just craved things as of late. Sleep, and food, oh especially food.

 

He awoke late. The room was dark and only a little light could be seen from the outside street lights. His whole body ached and he wondered if Jean was home. Slowly he got up from the couch, turned to look up to the bedroom loft but stopped as he noticed Jean’s phone on the counter and buzzed.

 

Armin wasn’t much for snooping or spying on his boyfriend but he was cranky and maybe a little curious. Tapping the phone it flashed on and into his face. A text? Armin hesitated but then tapped the message and bit his lip as it popped up.

 

_‘Had fun tonight.’_

 

Armin scrolled.

 

_‘Drinks and back to my place?’_

 

Armin bit his lip slightly but couldn’t stop scrolling through the conversations between Jean and Eren.

 

_‘At least u dun kiss like a horse, horse face.’_

 

His eyes started to burn and he rubbed the tears away briskly. Backing out from the messaged he noted 5 missed calls, all within the past few days. All from the hospital back home. Armin felt himself panic. His grandfather? Why hadn’t Jean told him? It was late but he didn’t care as he frantically dialed the hospital number.

 

It didn’t take long for someone to answer and Armin wasn’t sure how clear his voice sounded but he didn’t care, “H-hello, this is Armin Arlert. I-I got a few calls and I just… is it my grandfather?”

 

The nurse on the other end kept her voice calm and focused as she quickly looked into it for him. Armin bit his lip and felt the hot tears start down his cheeks. He held back and soft sob or sound and did his best to be patient.

 

“Oh, I’m so sorry… you’re grandfather passed…” Her voice was soft and sympathetic and all Armin could do was place a hand over his mouth to muffle the sob that followed, “I’m so sorry to tell you this.”

 

The rest of the call was a blur and Armin wasn’t really certain on what was said exactly but he sat curled up against the wall on the floor sobbing uncontrollably, he had no idea what to do but to cry. His body wouldn’t let him do anything else but. Armin knew he was sick and that the care worker for his grandfather would keep in touch but Jean, he didn’t tell him… why didn’t he tell him?

 

Armin heart felt like it was crushed all at once. A cheating boyfriend and his grandfather had passed without even being able to say goodbye. Everything was falling all around him quickly and without warning. He had nothing, he was nothing and the world was a cruel place he wanted no part of being in any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos are appreciated!
> 
> I'm still sorry for making Jean an arse! Forgive me! <3
> 
>  
> 
> Can also visit me on Tumblr for updates, random shit and atsy junk :P (art which i keep meaning to finish!)
> 
> http://peppermintyalice.tumblr.com/


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day another chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

 

 

 

“-min?”

 

“Armin?”

 

With a sleep clouded mind Armin jolted awake by the voice of Jean. His body ached and then he remembered. He remembered what happened -Jean, his grandfather, everything. He must have cried himself to sleep since he was curled up on the floor.

 

Slowly he opened his eyes and blinked with confusion. Jean’s phone was no longer in hand and his eyes gazed up to see his boyfriend, phone in hand.

 

“Jean…”

 

“What are you doing?” Jean scrunched his eyes in a curious manor.

 

Armin pulled himself up and looked up into Jean’s eyes, “Jean… my… my grandfather…he…” Armin’s voice cracked as he let out a small sob, “He’s gone…” but then Armin’s expression changed his tears burst from his eyes yet still he clenched and unclenched his fists, “You… you…  didn’t tell me… y-you had five calls Jean! Five… yet you never told me… I could have said good bye!”

 

Jean sighed, “I forgot! Fuck, Armin… it’s not my fault you don’t have a phone of your own! This isn’t my fault!”

 

Briskly Armin brushed the tears away from his face and looked down staring at Jean’s bare feet, “And Eren…?”

 

“What about him?”

 

“Y-you’ve been seeing him… you’re cheating on me!?” Armin spat out in anger his posture shaken. He was angry and he had all rights to be.

 

Jean let out a small laugh, “Shit Armin…just stop being some bratty child. It’s just a text. Trust me. I’m not cheating on you. It’s just Eren joking around!”

 

Armin’s body quivered softly but otherwise he didn’t move. His lips tried to work words. Why couldn’t he just say how he felt? Words just seemed to be in a huge jumble floating around his head. Carefully he looked up at Jean, “Yeah… just…joking. Right.” Without even thinking he rolled his eyes at Jean, “But that’s the thing Jean. I… I don’t think I can trust you anymore.”

 

“If you don’t trust me then, there’s the door, go.” Jean spat, “I’m sure you’ll stop making stupid accusations when you realize you have nowhere else to go!”

 

With that Armin pulled back and knew Jean was right. He had nowhere to go. A small sigh was heard and he realized just how bad his head was pounding, “Sorry, I’m sorry,” With a shaky hand he reached for Jean’s hand and held onto it gently, “This is just a big misunderstanding. It’s just… with my grandfather and everything. I just over reacted.”

 

“I’ll forgive you this time,” Jean leaned down and gave a small peck of a kiss against Armin’s. Their gaze met for a brief moment and Armin attempted to get a read on Jean’s real emotions and yet nothing, no love, no care, not even guilt, “Plus, you should stop being so worried about what other people are doing and just worry about yourself.”

 

A soft yet jolting jab from Jean hit his stomach gently and Armin knew exactly what he was implying. He recoiled and ducked his head down and muttered a small ‘yea’. Right now he just wanted to be away from his boyfriend.

 

Jean’s phone buzzed and Armin jumped at the sound. His stomach did flip flops and as Jean answered his phone Armin darted off to the bathroom and shut the door quietly before leaning over the porcelain bowl and heaving, well, nothing was really there but the nausea was persistent. He was angry and hateful but then there was his gentle, forgiving nature taking over and ping ponging back and forth.

 

Jean was talking on the phone now. Armin could hear the muffled speech so he leaned up against the door and heard the words clear enough to get an idea of what exactly was going on.

 

‘Yeah, I’ll be over in a bit. Had to deal with something.’

 

…

 

‘Ok, ok.’ He heard Jean laugh slightly, ‘you’re sister isn’t going to be around?’

 

…

 

‘Alright, I’ll  see you in a little bit, yeah, fuck you… Bye.’

 

Armin slowly turned the door knob and cracked the door open, “Are… are you going out?”

 

“Yeah!” Jean called out.

 

“W-when will you be coming home?” Armin fully left the bathroom and glanced around looking to see if he could spot Jean, “I-I mean… s-should I wait up?”

 

Jean came down from the bedroom with an overnight bag, “Uh, no. I’m going to visit my family for a couple of days.”

 

“Oh,” Armin went towards Jean and grabbed his arm gently, “Wait… I…- Well, I love you Jean… I’m going to miss you… I don’t get to see you much lately.”

 

“Well,” Jean stopped at the door, “Some of us have a life.”

 

Armin quickly pulled his hand away and gave a small smile, “Y-yeah… sorry.”

 

Jean pulled the door open and gazed back, “See you later.”

 

Armin stood by the door for what seemed to him like forever as it shut in front of him. Here he was alone, again.

 

The day went by slowly and Armin spent times crying, sleeping or just seemed to be staring at a wall. His heart was broken and well, everything about Armin was definitely broken. Night had come and Armin couldn’t sit in on this couch anymore let alone being in this apartment. It was painful and he felt numb.

 

Almost like a trance he wandered out of the apartment not even bothering to close the door behind him. His legs were weak and trembling so he grazed his hand along the wall for support to the doorway at the end of the hall which led to the stairs.

 

In all honesty he didn’t know how long it took him to get to the roof top of the building. Considering how weak his body was at the moment he was surprised he even made it. He was trembling as he stepped out on the ash fault of the roof with his bare feet. It hurt as it crunched under them and he flinched as a cold burst of air pieced through his sweater and to his already cold skin.

 

The sounds of the traffic, the lights that illuminated the city streets and the crowds of people that lingered up and down the late night streets to Armin were so tiny and just hollow buzzing sounds in his ears. His body shook and he swallowed dryly as he leaned over the top of the high-rise apartment complex and his heart beat quickened. It felt like he was being sucked downward, slowly and carefully he crawled up onto the ledge and let out a long shaky breath.

 

It was terrifying and he wanted to vomit not like there was anything in his stomach to bring up. He couldn’t take it anymore, everything was crumbling so fast around him that this was clearly the best option. End it all. The tingling sensation in the corners of his eyes bothered him as he held back the tears he so hated. This was how it had to be. No one would miss him and even those in his life that he had wouldn’t even care to look for him.

 

He stood up carefully and felt his legs quiver with fear as he stood up on the ledge. Slowly he glanced downward and felt his balance falter as he did so. Then as if in slow motion his body crept towards the edge even if it was only a few centimeters. Armin closed his eyes tightly and let out a soft whimper as he let his body go limp leaning over the edge and finally letting himself fall over.

 

But then just as his body sunk further over he felt an arm wrap tightly around his waist and a hand grabbed his arm pulling him back over the ledge to safety.

 

Armin felt his vision waver as the adrenaline slowly faded from his small frail body and his consciousness left him as he passed out against the strong firm unfamiliar body.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Voices, Armin could clearly hear voices. His head and body ached worse than it ever had in his entire life. But really, who is that? He attempted to move his body but it was so stiff and heavy. Even his eye lids were heavy as he struggled to open them.

 

It was hazy but he managed to pry them open ever so slightly.

 

The voice seemed clearer now that his senses were more awake and there was that voice again, “What am I supposed to do with him?” Whoever it was was pacing back and forth in the other room, “I’m serious Petra he tried to fucking jump off the god damn building!”

 

Armin suddenly felt panicked. He wasn’t home. Last he remembered was –Oh shit… The roof. Where am I? He thought as he struggled to get off the couch he was laying down on only to collapse onto the floor with an unwanted thump.

 

“Shit Petra, just… get over here, I think he’s awake…”

 

Armin felt himself panic. Who was that and why was he here? What was going to happen to him? No matter how hard he tried his body just kept giving out every time he attempted to get up. The door opened and light streaming into the room.

 

“S-stay away! Leave me alone!” The blonde curled himself into a fetal position terrified of what was to come.

 

“I’m not going to hurt you,” The figure leaned down next to him and tugged at the boy’s thin wrist which caused him to pull back even more, “I’m trying to help…”

 

“I don’t need your help! Y-you should have just let me die!”

 

“Stop it, Armin!”

 

How did this guy know his name? Armin peaking up at the man next to him through his fingers, “L-Levi…”

 

“Yeah…”

 

Armin felt himself grow calmer at the familiar face, “You… you saved me. Why?”

 

“You’re lucky I was there. What the hell were you thinking?”

 

Armin sat up and stared at Levi through the dim light that filled the room, “I… wait… what were you doing up there?”

 

“This isn’t about me, I’m not the one who tried to jump off a building,” Levi sighed, “But if you must know I was having a smoke. I prefer not to smoke inside my apartment so I go up there to think. Anyways, I can’t force you to talk to me but people don’t just jump off buildings for fun.”

 

“It’s complicated… plus I’d hate to bother you… I should go back to my place,” Armin gave a small smile and whispered, “Thank you…”

 

“No,” Levi stated as he stood up, “You’re sick, you need help…” Levi looked at his phone and sighed seeing the message from Petra.

 

_Can’t make it, sorry Levi…_

Armin attempted to stand up but felt woozy and sat back to the couch, “I’m not sick…”

 

“I can counter that statement in so many ways…” Levi couched down on front of the boy and grabbed his wrist and pulled up the sweater sleeve, “These cuts, aren’t accidental. You’re attempt at building jumping is definitely not accidental.”

 

Armin pulled his arm back and tried his best to give an intimidating look only to feel the tears stream down his cheeks, “I know that! I just couldn’t take it anymore ok!”

 

“Alright…”

 

“Look,” Levi sighed, “I’ll make you some tea and something to eat.”

 

As Levi attempted to leave Armin grabbed his wrist, “No! Please. I… I can’t.”

 

“Can’t? Can’t what?”

 

Armin hesitantly let go and let out a sigh, “I… well, that is… I told you awhile back I’m watching what I eat. Just the tea will be fine.”

 

Levi rolled his eyes, “Whatever, kid.”

 

Armin let out a long breathy sigh as Levi left the room. He tugged on the sleeve of his sweater and glanced casually over at the open door. He observed the layout of the apartment with curiosity. It looked strangely much different than Jean’s. The walls were filled with various paintings and the furniture and decorations seemed strangely macabre. Well, maybe it was just how he felt since it was dark. He attempted to find the light but it was best he just stay afraid that maybe Levi might get angry with him.

 

Levi eventually came back with a tray, the smell of the herbal tea was relaxing and then there was something else. Armin froze as the tray was placed on his lap. A small bowl of pasta set on the tray with the tea. He went tense and looked up at Levi, his eyes intense, “I said I can’t. Take it back.”

 

“No.” Levi crossed his arms, “You have to eat.”

 

Armin swallowed and looked down at the food. He really just wanted to cry and throw it across the room. If he gave in it would ruin everything he worked for. Jean would know and be disgusted with his body forever, “I appreciate it but…”

 

“But yeah, yeah, you’re watching what you eat. Shut it and eat the food,” Levi sat next to the tiny blonde and sighed, “Don’t you think that your boyfriend is worried about you?”

 

Armin stared down at the tray still, “No, he’s not home.”

 

“Does he know you’ve been hurting yourself?”

 

Armin kept quiet and kept his eyes on the tray with hateful eyes.

 

“Alright, whatever then, does he know you have an eating disorder?”

 

Armin shot up. Eating disorder? No, he couldn’t, did he? He never thought of it like that, “I don’t!”

 

“Tch, then eat. Prove it.”

 

“I can’t!”

 

“Which proves what I said is true.”

 

“Stop it!” Armin cried, “Please!”

 

“I’m not trying to pry into your life kid but I don’t think I could live it down if I found out you went back up there and plastered your body to the sidewalk.” Levi rubbed his shoulder and let out a sigh, “Is there anyone else you can talk to? Family? Friends?”

 

Armin just cried more at the thought of his grandfather, “N-no…” He choked out and rubbed his sleeve across his face to rid himself of his tears, “I love him… but I hate him at the same time…”

 

“You’re boyfriend?” Armin nodded in response, “Then why are you still with him?”

 

Armin casually picked up the fork and pushed the food around slowly, “I… have nowhere else to go.”

 

“Are you still going to school? Work? Maybe get your own place.” Levi felt awkward and did his best to sort out this problem. Maybe more so because he wanted to rid himself of the little burden he picked up on the rooftop or something else.

 

“I quit school…” Armin took a small bite of the pasta, “I tried for a job… but I didn’t hear back. I just… fail at everything I do.” A small laugh escaped his lips, “I can’t even kill myself.”

 

Fuck I need Petra here, I can’t deal with this. Levi thought as he drummed his fingers over his knee, “Well, just… finish you food. I need to make a call.”

 

Armin just nodded and Levi went to another room. Slowly he ate the food in front of him. Surprisingly it was delicious even though it just looked like a simple bowl of lightly sauced pasta. Being here felt safe, he felt like he didn’t have to be scared anymore.

 

With a smile he gently picked up the cup of tea and sipped it and let out a relaxed sigh. It was just what he wanted; it warmed his body and was soothing. Levi was sweet, even with that hardened exterior he was nice and Armin couldn’t help but keep the smile plastered across his face.

 

Levi hadn’t returned and Armin felt a little fidgety. His body felt a bit better and he eased himself up slowly off the couch and wandered into the room Levi had retreated to, “Levi?”

 

The man was leaning up against the counter in the kitchen, phone pressed to his ear. He gazed up at Armin with a nod, “I have to go Petra. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He ended his call and put the phone down on the counter and grabbed the tray from the blonde.

 

“Thank you…” Armin stood awkwardly and brushed some hair behind his ear, “Who were you talking to? You said Petra. That name sounds familiar.”

 

“She’s a friend.” Levi turned to wash the dishes, “How do you feel?”

 

“Better,” Armin couldn’t resist smiling, “I… just want to really thank you for saving me from my own stupidity.”

 

“You can stay here tonight.” Levi glanced over his shoulder.

 

“I don’t want to impose but truthfully I’d like that…”

 

Levi finished with the dishes and looked at the boy, “Don’t get too comfortable. It’s only for tonight.”

 

“Of course,” Armin eyed Levi. He was just as attractive as he remembered him. It was a different attractiveness then Jean had. Jean was tall, covered in lean muscle but had this cocky attitude. Levi on the other hand was shorter yet held a strong physique and tried to hide his kindness behind those stone cold eyes. He loved that kindness. He needed it. He wanted it. But physical touch scared him. All he knew was Jean and all he knew was that it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

 

“You’re free to use the shower by the way. It’s the first door down the hallway.”

 

“I… don’t have a change of clothes,” Then he dawned on him that he just left Jean’s apartment completely unattended. If anything happened or someone did something Armin was sure he’d suffer for it, “W-well, I can get some. I mean… I sort of just left the apartment unlocked. I think I should go fix that.”

 

Levi raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, you probably should do that.”

 

“Um, so… I’ll be right back, ok?” With a nod from Levi Armin darted out of the apartment and took note of the door number. He waited at the elevator and his stomach fluttered. Maybe it was because of the food or simply because of Levi.

 

His mind was a wreck and nothing really made sense right now. It was at the point where he just couldn’t really think rationally. Slowly his bare feet tapped down the hallway to Jean’s apartment. The door was still ajar and slowly he peeked inside.

 

After scanning the place making sure nothing had happened he let out a sigh of relief and quickly grabbed a change of clothes as well as his keys. Quickly he locked the door and made his way back to Levi’s apartment. He tapped softly at the door. Oh he wished the anxious feeling in his stomach would just go away. His lips curved into a small smile as Levi opened the door, “Yeah, um, nothing was missing thankfully. I suppose I wasn’t gone overly long.”

 

Levi shut the door and shrugged, “A couple of hours. You’re lucky. People can be unpredictable these days.”

 

“Sorry again,” Armin clutched the clothes tighter to his chest, “I just invaded your life like this.”

 

“Seriously just shut up with the god damn apologies and go take a shower.”

 

Armin went into the shower. In some ways it felt like it washed away all his problems even if it was in small ways. He didn’t want to leave. The dread of going back down to Jean’s apartment terrified him –Jean terrified him.

 

Stepping out of the shower was cold so he wrapped the large fluffy towel securely around his body. He wiped away some of the steam from the mirror and stared at himself. Dark circles under his eyes, his skin was pale, well, a sicklier pale than his usual self. He turned to pull on a long sleeve shirt and sweats.

 

Levi’s apartment was quiet and a bit more dimly lit than what he was used to. Armin couldn’t help but smile in the other man’s presence as he spotted him laying out some blankets on the couch.

 

“Thank you,” Armin spoke softly as he walked closer, “Can… can we talk?”

 

Levi’s cold stare didn’t seem to be frightening but he nodded and the two sat down on the couch. Yet here Armin was with so much so say but wasn’t sure how to even say it.

 

Levi sighed and grabbed a book nearby and propped it open between his fingers, “Take your time.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Armin went back to nervous habits as he tugged at the sleeves of his shirt and continuously picked at the threads, “I just… I’ll be honest with you… being here with you I just… I’m feeling so much better.”

 

“Tch,” Levi leaned into the couch and sighed, “Is that all?”

 

“N-no,” Armin cleared his throat, “I just feel like I’d be such a burden is I rambled off my silly problems.”

 

“Just talk.”

 

“My boyfriend…he… well… I know he means well and everything but… sometimes he hits me. Also he lately he’s never home… and lies about where he’s been…” Armin felt himself panic but did his best to keep his voice steady, “I’ve never been with anyone else but I know… maybe I deserve it or maybe it’s just normal.”

 

“I can’t say that’s normal.”

 

“I just feel like I’m at my lowest point… I can’t do anything right and when I try I just screw it up…”

 

“Did he tell you that? That you screw up?”

 

“Well, yeah… I mean… I should have taken better care of myself. It’s my fault. I got fat and it just…Jean he didn’t like that.”

 

Levi rubbed his forehead and then slowly shook his head, “Kids these days… Look, if someone that’s supposed to love you doesn’t accept you for who you are then clearly you need to move on because that is completely ridiculous.”

 

“I know… I’m stupid… just some stupid kid. But I guess telling someone made me feel better. Thank you again, for everything. Really.”

 

Levi shut the book and sighed staring at the wall, “Well, I think you need to get out of there and start sticking up for yourself.”

 

“Y-yeah…” Armin sighed and muttered, “Easier said than done… I… still do care about him. I still don’t know what to do.”

 

“Ok, well, I’m going to sleep and you should too.” Levi got up from the couch and looked down at the tiny blonde, “Deal with it tomorrow.”

 

Armin gave a weak smile and Levi went down the hall to the back bedroom. With a groan he smashed his face into the pillow that was left for him. Yet for once in a very long time he slept like he had never slept before.

 

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some slight Levi and Armin moments. It looks like things will be getting better for our pretty blonde. ;)
> 
> Thank you for the comments and kudos!
> 
>  
> 
> Can also check me out on Tumblr: http://peppermintyalice.tumblr.com/


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After many distractions I got a chapter out! Enjooooy!

* * *

 

 

 

 

“Wake up.”

 

Damn, what was with all the rude awakenings lately? Armin kept his eyes closed and let out an irritated groan. “Sleeping…” Was what he muttered or he hoped it was, “Tired…” Yes, his body felt like unrested and the pounded headache persisted into the morning. It was quiet other than the soft hum of what he assumed was the air con and Levi’s sigh.

 

The sound of footsteps faded into the other room and Armin cracked open one of his eyes expecting to see sunlight streaming in but it was still rather dark. The air in the room was chilled but damp humid moisture seemed to gather which made it feel a little uncomfortable. It must still be raining, Armin assumed as he shifted upright on the couch.

 

The curtains were drawn shut and the dim light coming from the kitchen was the only real guide he had. The smell of the coffee came from there and it was drawing Armin in, it was such a delicious scent that it distracted his thoughts of anything negative which was good, well, probably.

 

As he approached the kitchen he rubbed his left shoulder which was stiff and he tried to work out the little knot of muscle that formed. “Morning…”

 

Levi turned handing Armin a cup of coffee and grabbing his own, “Sleep ok?”

 

“Ah,” Armin took a small sip and sighed, “Sort of. My shoulder is a bit stiff but it’s fine, just not used to sleeping on a couch like that.”

 

“Sit,” Levi stated, it almost sounded like an order but Armin knew that was just the man’s nature, “I have a friend coming over.”

 

“Oh,” Armin stared down at the dark liquid in the cup, “I can go! I don’t want to be in the way.”

 

“No. I…” Levi sighed and sat down across from the boy, “Look, I don’t really overly deal well with this sort of thing and to be completely honest kid you have some really serious issues to work out. My friend has a degree in psychology. I think she can talk you through some of your problems.”

 

Armin watched as Levi tapped his index finger against the coffee cup as he held it almost as if he was nervous himself, “No, no! Really, I’m ok! She doesn’t need to.” A smile found its way to Armin’s lips as he tried to feign happiness, “I don’t want to be a bother.”

 

“Shut it,” Levi gave an intense cold stare but his voice stayed cool and composed even with his rough around the edges choice of words, “You seem like a good kid, ok? As I said last night I don’t think I could deal with it knowing you could do something stupid.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Armin took another sip, “I’m sorry I put you in that situation. You are right though… I am a mess right now. I know this yet still at the same time I’m not sure I want help.”

 

Levi and Armin went quiet for a while until Levi stood, the sound of the chair shifted back and he turned to the sink to rinse the cup, “I was in a bad place once. I lost people that were very important to me.”

 

Armin perked up, “I’m sorry…”

 

“Don’t, I dealt with it and you need to as well,” Levi’s words were always so direct yet that’s something Armin had come to admire, “You seem like a smart kid. You should get on with your life while you’re still young.”

 

“I… regret not being able to say goodbye,” Armin gripped the cup tighter and tensed trying to suppress and further emotion, “I hate that I’m stuck in a loveless relationship!”

 

Levi turned his attention to his phone as it buzzed. With a sigh he stared down at the message in front of him.

 

‘I’m just outside the door. Didn’t want to knock in case he was still sleeping.’

 

Typical Petra. Levi looked at Armin for a moment, “She’s here. Are you ok with this?”

 

Armin’s expression was uncertain yet he nodded.

 

Levi left and he heard the door open only to not be able to make out the hushed whispers that remained near the front doorway. Armin tried to listen in, or he tried. It bothered him. What could they be saying about him? It had to be bad, right? He assumed so since that was a growing trend in his life. He was nothing but a pathetic useless human being that was a stain on society.

 

Armin panicked. He thought about running, but how far could he get? Levi would surely be quicker. He regretted the choices he made and he no longer wanted to face them. What could he do? Where could he go?

 

Just as he was getting up from the chair the two entered and Armin stared at the woman. He swore he knew her. She seemed so familiar and somehow it made him feel sick as if something in his past was now creeping up on him to remind him of his stupidity.

 

It was silent for a moment as Petra gave Levi a small smile then she looked over at the frightened boy who looked like he wanted to just disappear, “Hi, Armin… my name is Petra. But I actually do believe we’ve met before.”

 

“Oh? You’ve met this bratty kid?”

 

“Levi, he’s not a brat or a kid,” Petra smiled, it was kind and gentle and her eyes weren’t critical or judging. They seemed concerned and maybe a little curious, “I’m the manager at the coffee shop. Remember?”

 

Armin flinched away a little and stared at the floor, “Y-Yeah…” His throat felt dry and uncomfortable now, “L-Levi said you were a psychologist?”

 

“Well, sort of, it didn’t really work out that way,” Her smile stayed intact.

 

“Oh, ok,” Armin kept his guard up and swayed ever so slightly on his feet, “S-so…”

 

“Levi told me a few things about last night. Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Armin gazed up at Levi and Petra with a sigh, “Not really.”

 

“For fuck sakes,” Levi muttered.

 

“Levi, shush, he’s just not comfortable around me yet… but he seems to be fine talking with you from what you told me,” A small giggle escaped her lips.

 

Armin felt a blush creep over his cheeks. She was observant, Armin could admit that much. Truthfully he had a crush on Levi from the moment they met. But he would never act upon it since he was loyal and on top of that he had no hints that Levi was even into men for that matter.

 

“This is stupid. I can’t deal with this Petra. I’m serious.”

 

“You can,” Petra took his hand slightly, “You can’t push everyone away forever,” She whispered, “You like him. I can tell. There’s something about him that you find intriguing.”

 

Levi glared, “You can’t know that much by just a couple of texts…”

 

“You’re not denying it though,” A small gentle kiss was placed on his cheek, “Clearly I’m not needed here.”

 

“Fuck you Petra.”

 

“You know you love me.”

 

Levi rolled his eyes, “Whatever you say.”

 

“Oh, before I go. I just want to clear something up.” She turned back to Armin, “I called you back you know.”

 

Armin blinked with a confused expression, “What?”

 

“The job,” She tilted her head to the side, “I gave a message to your boyfriend but clearly it seems I was lied to. He told me you weren’t interested which I can tell now was a lie.”

 

“J-Jean… he,” Armin again fought back tears and he curled his hands into fists.

 

Petra’s felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned to look back at Levi, “You’re right, you don’t need to stay. I’ll deal with this.”

 

She nodded and said her goodbyes to them both. Levi latched the door shut and returned to the distraught boy that hadn’t budged from the kitchen.

 

Armin did his best to calm himself. He didn’t know how to feel anymore and he swore that he had felt every emotion that could be possible in just the matter of a few days. It was tiring and he just wanted to be done with it. Yet this time he felt angry, “I hate him, I said I loved him still but no… I really do hate him.”

 

“And so you should,” Levi scoffed.

 

“Can I,” Armin swallowed dryly, “Can I just stay here for maybe a little while longer?”

 

Levi nodded.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Levi was determined to keep this boy safe. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the kid but there was this spark, this feeling and it nagged at him. This feeling wasn’t foreign but just not a common thing. He hadn’t let himself feel this way for someone since Isabel and Farlan. It could be that he swore to himself he would never let himself get that emotionally close to someone ever again.

 

Although his eyes kept focused on his laptop as he did his best to focus on his writing he couldn’t help but see the fair skinned blonde out of the corner of his eye. He had drifted off at some point during the afternoon and he couldn’t help but keep an eye out in case he woke. It was a tad distracting but maybe that’s what Levi needed in his life. A small, cute, little, distraction at that.

 

His eyes gazed further and he watched the small chest rise and fall gently as he slept. He noted Armin’s round cherubic face, pink lips and delicate features. The attraction was there but Levi quickly pulled the thought from his mind as he forced his attention back at the screen. Clearly he wasn’t going to be getting any work done at this rate since he really wasn’t focused.

 

Levi decided he would cook something. The boy needed to eat and he was a little hungry himself so he pulled himself away from his work and pondered what he could make. He had no idea what Armin liked so keeping it simple was best.

 

Cooking or preparing food wasn’t Levi’s forte but no one could really ruin a sandwich, right?

 

With ease there he stood next to the couch with two plates with a sandwich and side salad each. He nudged the boy awake with his foot and watched as he popped up a bit startled.

 

“L-Levi… Oh, did I fall asleep?”

 

“You did.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine, I had some things to do. Here.”

 

The plate was handed down in front of Armin and his demeanor changed, “No…I…”

 

“Eat.”

 

“No.”

 

Levi was not in the mood for back and forth banter so he sat it down on the coffee table in front of the boy then sat on the couch next to him, “Fine then.”

 

Armin glanced over at Levi than back at the plate in front of him, “Don’t you find me fat? I mean…I… I am aren’t I?”

 

“No, your fucked up shit boyfriend is lying to you,” Levi spat, “If you won’t eat I’ll take you to the god damn hospital.”

 

Armin wasn’t exactly what he should do. Was Levi being honest? At this point did he even care what Jean thought? Jean had being telling him lie after lie. Here he was starving himself and for what? Lies? Armin reached forward and grabbed the plate and sat it on his lap. Fuck Jean.

 

He took a small bite, then another. He avoided eye contact with Levi the entire meal until he was done, “Thank you… It was perfect.” A smile, “I’m going to break up with him.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah but… I need somewhere to stay until I find some work,” Armin hinted as he hugged onto the pillow next to him, “I really won’t bother you… I promise! I-It’ll only be for a little while!”

 

Levi went quiet, more than usual, he stared forward and Armin was starting to feel a prick of anxiety sprout up that was until Levi let out a sigh, “Fine.” Relief filled Armin as well as a small smile appeared, “But… there are a few ground rules to not just you, but anyone who enters my home.”

 

Armin tilted his head in curiosity, “O-Ok.”

 

“Keep it clean, no random shit people over and most importantly do not disturb me when I’m writing.”

 

Sounded simple enough. Armin nodded, “Of course… I can do that. Thank you Levi.”

 

It probably wasn’t supposed to happen but Armin leaned his body forward to hug Levi but as it so happened their lips somehow connected into a kiss. Maybe it was the awkward sitting position or just that Levi didn’t exactly want to be hugged. It just happened and Armin pulled back with a jolt and a sputtered apology, his cheeks had reddened and his speech had become uncomprehend able as he tried to further an apology.

 

“What the hell are you trying to do, fucking brat!” Levi couldn’t comprehend the situation himself and he quickly grabbed Armin’s empty plate and muttered obscene words under his breath as he left to the kitchen.

 

Armin felt intensely embarrassed, how could he even explain that? It was an accident really but deep down he wanted to do that. Would this ruin their friendship? Levi more than likely did not see him that way and on top of that most likely wasn’t into guys. Yet here Armin was flowing with curiosity. How could he ask or even bring it up without it being way too awkward?

 

Wait, maybe Petra was Levi’s girlfriend? Maybe. Now that he thought about it the two did seem awfully close. Would it be to invasive to just ask that? If he spouted off too many questions Levi might take back the offer.

 

Armin went into the kitchen and let out a small hum, “I’m…um, going to get a drink. Is that ok?”

 

“Go ahead.”

 

Armin grabbed a bottle of juice and a glass. As he poured a small bit into the glass he glanced at Levi, “So, um… is Petra well…um, your… girlfriend?”

 

“Pft, no,” Levi muttered, “We went to school together. We just happened to stay in contact with one another. But if you must know we tried dating once it didn’t really work out.”

 

“I-I see… why not? She seems nice,” Armin muttered a long gulp of the flavorful juice.

 

“She is, but we just didn’t clique that way. Plus we wanted different things. She’s not exactly my _type_.”

 

Armin felt bold, “Then, what is your _type_ exactly?”

 

“I think I’ve shared enough.”

 

“No Levi,” Armin smiled from behind the glass, “Tell me. I should know a little bit of the person I will be staying with.”

 

“Tch, I can change that.”

 

“N-no, no. I’m sorry I was just curious and you seem like an interesting person.”

 

“I’m not, believe me.”

 

“You are to me…” Armin mumbled.

 

“So,” Levi decided it was time for a change in subject, “When are you getting your things from your shit hold boyfriends place?”

 

“I… don’t know. He’s probably still not home… I should wait till he is so we can talk. I don’t want to just pack up in leave without telling him how I feel.”

 

“Fuck him. Just pack your shit and leave. Who cares about his feelings because clearly he doesn’t give two shits about you.”

 

“I… I get that. I do. I’m just not that type of guy. There’s some history between us… he’s my first,” Armin’s cheeks tinted pink, “B-but yeah. Maybe I’ll leave him a note… explaining things and that I’ll be back to talk. If I don’t get to do it in person at some point I won’t be able to have a clear conscious.”

 

“If it makes you sleep better at night then do what you have to do. I won’t stop you as long as you don’t try to jump off buildings.”

 

“Of course,” Armin smiled weakly.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Gently Armin placed the note down on the bar table and bit his lip and hesitated. Should he really just leave a note like this? What would happen? Ugh why does this have to be so difficult? Armin’s could only feel guilty right now.

 

Being so deep in thought Armin didn’t notice that Jean had come back until he closed the door a little harsher than usual, more than likely just to get the smaller boy’s attention.

 

Startled and caught off guard Armin turned and looked up at Jean with a nervous look, “A-ah Jean… you startled me.”

 

“What are you doing?” Jean then noted the packed suitcase that sat upright next to Armin.

 

“I,” Armin swallowed nervously and did his best to look Jean in the eye, “I, we… need to break up. I-I’m sorry. I just need to focus on some things in my life right now.”

 

“Pft, yeah right!” Jean laughed, “I’ve done nothing but look out for you and now you want to break up. You’re nothing but ungrateful! You’re nothing without me.”

 

“T-That’s not true!” Armin grabbed at the handle of the suitcase and nearly loses his nerve, “I do care about you but… you truthfully you treat me like crap! Y-you hurt me… not just physically but… you lie!”

 

Jean was quick to now grab Armin’s wrist, “Everything I’ve done has been to help you! Where do you plan on going? No one will ever want you around! You’ll come crawling back so why bother going anywhere.”

 

Armin was shoved down to the floor with Jean now hovered over top of him and pinned him down by the wrists, “You know you love me.”

 

“Jean, let me go!” It seemed impossible to get away but Armin struggled anyways.

 

Pain seemed to now radiate off his body each time Jean’s fist connected to his body. No matter how much Armin cried out it continued, with his arms now free he did everything he could to shield himself.

It happened so fast and out of nowhere but he heard Jean let out a yelp of pain and topped off of Armin clutching his side. Shakily Armin looked up to see Levi’s emotionless expression staring down at him with his hand out stretched.

 

Armin didn’t hesitate and he bit back the throbbing pain as he took Levi’s hand and was hoisted upright, “Levi…  y-you didn’t have to hurt him…let alone come down here.”

 

“Tch, I just kicked him, he’ll live. I’d prefer to do worse but he’s not worth the time. You were gone a while so I was simply checking on you,” Levi turned and grabbed the handle to Armin’s suitcase, “Go on.” He motioned for Armin to go.

 

Through grit teeth Jean slowly stood up, “Who the hell are you?”

 

“That’s really none of your business,” Levi turned ever so slightly.

 

Jean went to look at Armin who was near the door and then at Levi, “He’s not worth your fucking time. You’ll realize that soon enough.”

 

Levi didn’t feel it worth even giving a response as he turned and left with Armin a few steps ahead of him. He sighed and leaned up against the wall as they waited for the elevator.

 

“Levi…” Armin muttered unsure of the stoic man’s mood.

 

“Really, you should forget about him. From what I see he’s very much not worth your time,” Levi again had to usher the boy forward when the elevator opened, “When we get up there we have to make sure he didn’t hurt you too badly. If I see any problems you’ll be finding yourself in a doctor’s office.”

 

“Uh, y-yeah… but I’m fine, really… just sore. Maybe a few bruises. I’ll live.”

 

“You shouldn’t dismiss your own wellbeing you know. If you don’t look out for yourself then you might just find yourself in even more trouble.”

 

Armin hummed in response, “it feels so surreal right now…”

 

The doors opened and they shuffled down the hallway and into Levi’s apartment. Armin was quick to go inside while Levi closed the door and locked up.

 

“Now what?” Armin mused as he glanced over to Levi with a smile.

 

As much as Levi wanted to believe that everything was fine, truthfully this little burden had now become a part of his life and he felt responsible. He didn’t really fully think about it but Armin’s words rang true into his mind. _Now what?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Onto some LevixArmin!
> 
> Can also visit my tumbr for arts, stuff and what not! http://peppermintyalice.tumblr.com/


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi finds himself falling for Armin~!

* * *

 

 

 

Where the hell is that brat?

 

Levi opened and closed what few doors his apartment had only to find that the Armin had disappeared. “Fuck,” He muttered slamming the bedroom door. Slowly he gazed towards the front door and noticed it unlocked. Levi never let his front door unlocked, ever. More cursing escaped his lips as he slipped his shoes on, locked up his apartment and dashed to the stairs making his way back up to the roof.

 

With his heart pumping and legs scrambling, eventually made it to the top and pushed open the heavy utility door. His head frantically went from left to right until he spotted the bright blonde hair even through the darkness. “Armin,” Levi said in a stern voice. He stilled himself though unsure of whether or not the blonde was considering jumping again.

 

At the sound of his name Armin wiped his head and looked at Levi with a solemn stare, “Oh, Levi, hey…”

 

Levi scuffed his feet across the ashphault and closed himself in on Armin, “What the hell are you doing back up here?”

 

Armin sighed and pushed some hair behind his ear, “To think…”

 

Levi sighed, yeah admittedly he would come up here some nights when his mind was foggy and distracted, “What about?”

 

“Me, you, my future… I suppose there’s a bit too much to think about,” A small smile tugged his lips upward, “You think Petra could give me another chance? A proper interview that is if she needs someone that is.” Armin took in a deep breath of the cool night air, “I’m ok with part-time… I just need something.”

 

Levi pulled a cigarette from the package he pulled out of pocket along with a lighter, “That sounds like a good start. You seem like your head is out of the clouds kid.”

 

Armin heard Levi light the smoke and let out a slight laugh, “Yeah, I feel a bit better.” Armin kicked a few pebbles around, he stared downward and shoved his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, “You’re really sweet Levi…”

 

Levi coughed and choked after the unexpected flooded his ears, “The fuck… I was just helping you get away from some dumb fuck. I’m not as kind as you think I am.”

 

Armin was now grinning ear to ear, a hint of pink dusted his normal pale cheeks, “I-,” He glanced up at Levi, “I like you a lot. I-I mean… well, what I really mean is…”

 

Levi gazed out to the city and breathed out the smoke slowly, “I wouldn’t go falling for me kid.”

 

Armin let out a huff, “Why not? I can tell you like me too… I see the looks you give me.”

 

“Fuck,” Levi scoffed, “Well, shit.”

 

“A date,” Armin smiled, “Just one and if you don’t have a good time then….”

 

“Wait,” Levi gave a stern look, “You just got out a rough relationship. Are you sure?”

 

Armin shrugged a little, “Yeah… I want to feel like not all people are horrible abusive bastards. I want to just feel normal again.”

 

“Yeah, I can see that,” Levi stubbed out the cigarette and turned, “It’s getting late. Come on kid.”

 

“Wait,” Armin grabbed ahold of Levi’s hand and stepped close. Their lips hovered close and their breathe colliding with one another until their lips pressed gently together. Levi slowly pried open Armin’s lips gliding his tongue against the wet, warm cavern that sent chills down the pale blonde’s back.

 

It was beautiful, intoxicating and relaxed. Armin moaned at Levi’s skilled kiss. How the hell was this so good? Armin had never felt anything so exhilarating in all his life. It sent a shock up and down his nerves as Levi’s hands slid down his slim frame grasping at his behind with lust, want and need.

 

The air was chilled but none of that mattered right now as both of them seemed to become consumed with the heat of passion. Armin‘s thin fingers pulled and tugged at the belt of Levi’s pants. At first he fumbled but to his surprise Levi coaxed him along.

 

“Fuck…” Levi breathed between a kiss as he dipped a hand down Armin’s sweatpants groping his ass, the flesh was soft and sweet. It was over, all over now. Levi couldn’t hold back any longer, “I need to fuck you.”

 

“I want you…” Armin murmured as they both shifted each other’s pants down ever so slightly. Armin touched Levi causing him to flinch.

 

“Fuck, your hands are cold,” Levi growled and he nipped at Armin’s swollen lower lip.

 

“D-dun care… I want to touch you…” Armin responded in a hushed whisper as his fingers rubbed against the hardened flesh, “I want you… I want you to fuck me.”

 

“You sure…?” Although Levi’s advances didn’t slow down he still didn’t want to do something that would be regretted later, “We’re on the fucking roof though…”

 

Levi’s fingers grazed Armin’s behind causing the small frame to arch up against him, “N-now… I don’t care… I really don’t care.”

 

Levi groaned pushing Armin up against the wall near the door, a seductive growl rumbled through his throat as he pushed Armin’s pants around his ankles letting the blonde step out of them  before he returned to kissing, sucking and biting up one of Armin’s thighs. Levi slowly moved upward running his thumbs over the boney hip bones.

 

“S-shit…” Armin sucked in a sharp breath and bit at his thumb trying to keep himself in control of himself but to no avail as he groaned and pressed harder up against the wall.

 

Levi kicked Armin’s legs apart for access using his own spit as a lubricant he shoved a wet finger into the blonde’s entrance, “Oh  -… s-shit… L-Levi…”  A second, “M-More…” A third and Armin felt like his legs nearly wither away.

 

Slowly and gently Levi hoisted the boy up slightly and Armin instinctively wrapped his legs around Levi’s waist as he positioned himself. Levi gave Armin a questioning look and the blonde merely nodded and gasped as he felt Levi push slowly inside of him. Armin’s thin fingers dug into Levi’s shoulders as Levi pushed into the shaking blonde.

 

Armin had to admit wall sex is good sex and Levi was officially a god.

 

It felt like Armin was seeing stars as he came, it was good, so good. Both men were breathing heavily as they looked at each other lustfully. Armin was guided down to his feet and he swiftly leant in giving a small, yet shy kiss to Levi’s lips, “You’re amazing…”

 

Levi muttered out a few words such as, ‘having sex on a dirty building roof’ but Armin didn’t care they could shower when they got downstairs but right now he was to full of intoxicating lust to speak any more. Armin traced a finger along Levi’s lips then slowly cupped his cheek and leaned in again for another kiss.

 

“Did I hurt you?” Levi questioned looking into the blue eyes in front of him and Armin simply shook his head, “You need to eat more.”

 

Armin flushed, “T-that’s not something you say to someone after sex… b-but I’m fine… I wouldn’t want you to get disgusted with me.”

 

“Enough of that,” Levi brushed some stray hairs from Armin’s face, “I didn’t say it to be an ass. I said it because I was afraid of hurting you.”

 

“You couldn’t hurt me… or rather you wouldn’t.”

 

“Tch,” Levi took a step back, “I need a shower. Let’s go.”

 

Armin smiled and loosely took ahold of Levi’s hand, “Mmm... ok, maybe we can shower together… you can wash my back…” Slowly Armin pulled away and spun a little grinning playfully as he grabbed the door handle, “I’m looking forward to that date.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, get moving kid,” Levi smacked the boy’s behind causing a small yet giggled yelp.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Levi rubbed his shoulder and groaned trying to relieve the strange stiffness. He shuffled to his bed, pulling the covers to the side and sat at the edge of the bed. Just as he was about to click off the lamp on his nightstand there was a small timid knock at the partially opened door.

 

“Do you need something?” Levi muttered gazing toward it spotting the small form as the door pushed open.

 

“Hey… um…” Armin shifted on his feet anxiously as if wanting to ask something.

 

Levi knew what the boy wanted. He had to admit that couch wasn’t the best for sleeping so he pulled the blankets out on the other side of the bed and nodded to the now smiling boy, “Come on – before I change my mind.”

 

Without hesitation Armin rushed toward the bed and was quickly nestled against the soft mattress with a pleasurable sigh, “Oh god… this is wonderful he murmured pushing his face into the pillow, “Thank you…”

 

Levi flicked the switch and the room went dark as he too felt the comfort of the mattress against his body.

 

“I’ll talk to Petra in the morning, alright?”

 

Armin hummed a response, “Do you think I… do you think I’m a good person?”

 

“Well, you’re not a bad person.”

 

“No, well, what I meant was… well – Jean always made me feel like I was some horrible person. Like… everything that went wrong was my fault or… that everything I did was never good enough.” Armin shifted slightly so he was on his side facing Levi, “But… if that was true you would have got rid of me. Right?”

 

“Armin, I really don’t know why you still take to heart what that shit hole of a guy said to you. From what you told me and from what I’ve seen you’re a bright, kind and caring person. You just had your self-esteem smashed into the floor. It happens, you need to move on. It’s not a case of going back to who you were but finding out who you are now and what you want to be. Forget the past.”

 

Silence filled the room and Levi nearly drifted to sleep until he was pulled back by Armin’s sweet voice, “You’re right… I’m sorry you have to remind me. That… you have to repeat yourself but I promise you from now on I won’t talk about the past unless I need to.”

 

“It’s fine.”

 

“Our date…”

 

“What about it?”

 

“Dinner… and… there’s this old movie place about blocks away. They play these old black and white films... I know it might not be your thing but I’m sort of a sucker for things like that. Plus I heard they make the best theatre popcorn in the city.”

 

“Alright, if that’s the case then I get to pick the restaurant.”

 

“Deal,” Armin was officially grinning ear to ear, “Good night Levi.”

 

A sigh, “Night brat.” Yet Levi couldn’t hold back twitch in his lip that formed into a smile.

 

It was strange but Levi felt his body flutter and he wanted to hate this feeling he really did. Normally he was cold and withdrawn – getting close to someone meant eventually pain and heartache. People die and people leave, getting close meant emotions. He hated it. He despised it but this, this felt right. Maybe his ice cold heart would slowly be chipped and melted and welcome Armin’s warm and welcoming one.

 

The kid had been through a lot but there was still this sweet and gentleness. Even though the little blonde had been beaten to the ground, nearly killed himself, but here he was a little ball of warmth bouncing back from hardship. Armin was braver than anyone he had ever met in his entire life.

 

So because of this, he cared, he really did. Levi cared for the wellbeing of the blonde angel beside him. He wanted to make not only the boys like better but his own. Deep down Levi wanted companionship and love. He wanted to try again.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg i suck at smut. GAH.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin and Levi work on their rocky relationship!

* * *

 

 

 

Armin shifted uncomfortable in the chair he sat in. He could say it was a feeling he was all too familiar with. His eyes stared intensely down at his hands on his lap that were so tightly formed into fists that it hurt. It also didn’t help that his heart was racing but he did his best to hide his feelings being the forced emotionless expression that persisted on his face.

 

“Sorry to keep you waiting!” Petra pulled Armin’s gaze away and he turned and looked at her giving a fake smile. He knew she could tell he was nervous but neither of them brought that to attention thankfully, “So, I won’t ambush you with a crazy amount of questions. I just have some concerns.”

 

Armin cleared his throat a bit hoping it would knock the nervousness out of his voice, “Ok, well, I can understand that considering what you know about me but… I’ve pushed past that. I’m in a good place right now and I really want this job. I’ll work really hard, I can promise you that.”

 

“Levi spoke up for you, y’know. Said, you were a good kid,” She sat across from him and smiled, “You seem better. You look better. Are you sure you’re up for this?”

 

Armin nodded vigorously, “Please, I won’t disappoint you. I can promise you that. Even if you can only spare a few hours a week of work, I’ll do it! I’ll prove myself.”

 

“Well,” Petra gazed over a few papers before she gave a definite answer. Her lips were pressed into a thin line as she hummed in thought, “I can squeeze you in for a few shifts to start, ok?”

 

Armin’s felt a burden of stress leave his body and he let out a long breath, “Thank you!”

 

“I’ll look over the budget and scheduling later today and I’ll text Levi the details, is that ok?”

 

“Of course!” Armin really just wanted to hug this woman and thank her profusely but for the sake of not scaring her to death he stayed perched on the chair with a smile, “T-thank you again! I really do appreciate the second chance.”

 

“It’s no problem.”

 

Armin got up and shook her hand awkwardly, “W-well I look forward to working with you!”

 

“Likewise of course,” Her smile was warm and Armin could see the honesty behind it. It made him feel more at ease which was rare for him to feel. She opened the door to the office room to let Armin out, “I’m glad you’re feeling better. If Levi is ever a jerk to you just let me know and I’ll kick him where it hurt.”

 

Armin let out a small laugh, “I don’t think I can ever thank you without feeling it’s enough.”

 

“It’s fine, really. You’re a really strong person Armin. You just had a rough patch in life. It happens and right now you made a big step in making things better for yourself.”

 

Armin shrugged a little, “You speak too highly of me… I couldn’t have done any of this without Levi… He saved me. He really did. I feel like I owe him my life.”

 

“I’m sure Levi doesn’t want anything in return from you. I don’t think you owe him anything. In fact, you’re good for him I think. He needs someone in his life. I can swear to you Armin he would never, ever hurt you.”

 

Petra’s words made Armin’s stomach flutter. He wanted to just rush home just to see Levi, to kiss him, to love him, and feel what it’s liked to be cared for. Quickly he said his goodbyes and ran, he ran hard enough that it hurt. The elevator was slow, Armin waited with anticipation for the stupid metal box to reach the floor. It felt like forever but he eventually made it to the floor. He rushed down the hallway and fumbled slightly with the spare key Levi had given him as he unlocked the door.

 

Armin kicked off his shoes and glanced around the living room, then the kitchen and eventually came across him relaxed, propped up against the headboard of the bed, legs crossed slightly with his laptop propped up. Armin breathed heavily and Levi glanced up instantly noticing the presence in the room.

 

“So?” Levi questioned with his usual stoic expression.

 

“She’s going to squeeze me in for a few shifts she said,” Armin slowly crossed the bedroom and crawled up the empty side of the bed letting out an exaggerated sigh as he plopped down lifelessly.

 

“Good,” Levi looked back at the screen and went back to typing.

 

“Working on something?” Armin questioned glancing at the screen.

 

Levi closed the laptop and put it on the nightstand, “Its work.”

 

Armin pouted a little yet he pulled himself up attempting to get closer only for Levi to pull away and sit at the edge of the bed, “Levi…?”

 

“Look, about yesterday, I –we shouldn’t have,” Levi muttered, “It was a mistake. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

 

“Wrong idea…?” Armin felt his voice tense and he looked at Levi questioningly, “I… but…we…”

 

“You just got out of a relationship, as bad as it was and as much as it was necessary for you to get the hell out of it I don’t want to cause you to become dependent on me, latching onto the first person that’s nice to you because you’re scared.”

 

“I-I’m not…I -.”

 

“You’ll sleep on the couch from now on,” Levi knew his words would hurt Armin but it wasn’t just for Armin’s sake but selfishly for his own. He didn’t want to become close, he felt like if he did that it wouldn’t last, well, to Levi nothing lasted. No matter what someone around him always left, or got hurt in some way or another.

 

“You… don’t want to be with me? I… I know I’m not perfect,” Armin felt hot tears form in his eyes, his lips trembled and he pulled back, “But I… I understand. Just … I-I’m not latching onto you… I like you a lot… I feel like I can trust you. You… like to read the same books… y-yes you are nice to me but… t-that’s just a quality about you that I… never mind. Forget it. I’m sorry.” Armin took a moment in attempt to compose himself, “I thought we had a connection… apparently I was wrong.”

 

Levi kept his emotions in control and he stared forward voiding his emotion completely, “None of that means we have to be together. We can be friends, nothing more.”

 

“I see…” Armin pulled himself off the bed and slipped out of the room without another word. His stomach hurt from holding back every painful emotion he felt. It felt like his heart was breaking into a million pieces. He carelessly plopped down on the couch and pulled the blanket next to him up over himself. It hurt, everything hurt.

 

Armin was now convinced that everything Levi told him, all the words, kindness, it was all a lie. Deep down everyone just wanted to sugar coat things just so no one would have to deal with him. Levi and Petra… both of them had to be only acting kind out of sympathy. Armin felt disgusted in himself again and it was all just a cruel joke, to just lead him on like a puppy looking for kindness only to abuse him in the end.

 

He scolded himself for letting this happen. Stupid! He told himself over and over. No one would ever love him. He was always going to be disgusting and worthless to everyone.

 

Armin had somehow fallen asleep and it was only into he felt a nudge against his leg that he realized in fact he was asleep. A groan escaped his lips and he pulled the blanket up further over his face, “No…” He whined wanting to be left alone.

 

“It’s still early you shouldn’t be sleeping like this.”

 

It was Levi and Armin just found himself curl up further into himself not wanting to face him or the harsh reality that was his life, “Just leave me alone.”

 

“You need to eat.”

 

“No, just stop bothering me with that!”

 

Armin heard the sound of a plate being put down on the coffee table and then harshly felt the blanket being pulled off his body, “Get up.”

 

“S-stop it! Just stop pretending you care and do whatever it is you do!”

 

Levi felt his eyes fix into a glare, “Kid, if this is about earlier…than clearly you took it the wrong god damn way!”

 

“How the hell was I supposed to take it?!” Armin pulled himself into a sitting position and stared intensely upward, “You find me repulsive, so why bother pretending you care!”

 

“Fuck, ugh,” Levi bit back some words and could feel a headache coming, “That’s not it. I’m not like that asshole fuck and you know that. I just –well I’m not looking for a relationship right now, ok kid, and considering what you’ve just been through neither should you.”

 

“Neither should I? You have no idea what I want and need. I like you Levi… I… I love everything I know about you.” Armin grabbed Levi’s hand and motioned for him to sit down next to him.

 

Levi sighed and sat down, “There are just people I had close to me and they died. Why bother getting close to someone when this world is just so fucked up.”

 

“Levi, I… I’m sorry… but you can’t just keep pushing people away because of the past,” Armin gripped his hand tighter, “Please… be honest with me… Do you like me, at all? Or were you just messing with me?”

 

Levi swallowed and tilted his head to look at Armin ever so slightly, “So I fucking like you. I just didn’t want to get close, that’s all. It has nothing to do with you as a person.”

 

“Levi… I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be safe… I’ve been given a second chance because of you and I want to make it count and so should you!”

For the first time since he met Levi he had never seen his expression go soft with emotion and it made Armin smile. They both leaned in and kissed. Armin could feel the tears along Levi’s cheeks but he felt it best not to draw attention to it.

 

Armin lay back onto the couch and Levi hovered over him placing soft kisses where it mattered and it felt good. Neck, cheeks, lips.

 

It was strange to Armin to see this from Levi but it made him smile. He knew he over exaggerated the situation and it was stupid to think that Levi would dislike him like that. But it was in Armin’s nature to think just that. To be honest Armin really didn’t think he could ever get over what happened with Jean, he would just have to learn from it and grow as a person.

 

“Levi.” Armin whispered sweetly, “I love you.”

 

“Shut it, brat…” Levi kissed hard then pressed their foreheads together, “Fuck it… I love you too.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Armin had his first shift at the café that following morning. He was happy that he caught on to everything relatively fast. At the start he was a bit awkward and shy with customers but each time it got easier. Now he was decent at making some of the drinks, nothing too difficult so he was grateful.

 

The rush for morning coffee goers had slowed down and Armin let out a long sigh of relief. He leaned up slightly against the back counter and Petra had excused herself to make a call, Armin assured her he would be fine for the next couple of minutes or so he thought until he seen an unfortunate familiar face walk into the shop.

 

Armin froze, he stared. It was Jean and with Eren on top of that. His body just couldn’t move. The thought of having to face him again was just too much but he couldn’t show any form of outbursts on his first day. He couldn’t!

 

Slowly he stepped up to the counter and bit his lip slightly until Jean noticed him. He couldn’t help noticing the surprise on his ex’s face.

 

Armin cleared his throat and hoped it didn’t waver with nerves, “What can I get you?”

 

Jean leaned up into the counter and Armin could see a sly look on his face, “Vanilla latte… and it better be good.” Then he pushed away and looked at Eren whispering something that he couldn’t quite hear but with a shrug Eren just ordered a small coffee.

 

Armin turned and looked away, hands shaking as he fumbled with the cup. His mind went blank and a remark from behind the counter made him flinch.

 

‘Surprised they had a uniform to fit his fat ass. Probably won’t last long here I’m sure he’s going to screw up like always.’

 

Armin couldn’t really keep his mind from the negativity. He spilled a bit of the drink onto his hand and winced doing his best to not drop it. He placed the cups down at the end of the counter and briskly moved back to help another customer.

 

“Fuck, this latte is disgusting,” Jean called out sending a look Armin’s way before looking at another worker.

 

Armin was really doing his best but his voice began to crack and his mind was getting the better of him.

 

“You really should hire people that can actually make drinks properly,” Jean remarked.

 

Armin couldn’t, he just couldn’t he abandoned not only his post but the customers and rushed into the back office knocking into Petra ever so slightly in the process.

 

“A-Armin?” She questioned, and then looked back out quickly ushering one of the workers to tend to the customers. Curiously she approached Jean with a soft smile, “Is there a problem, sir?”

 

“Yeah,” Jean pushed the cup towards Petra, “I ordered a Vanilla Latte not shit. That little blonde should not be working here if he can’t make a simple latte. I mean the guy was completely clueless, spilled some of it in the process.”

 

Petra continued to smile, but this time a bit bitterly, “Well, sorry about that. It is his first shift after all and I only showed him how to make it once. I apologize for that. I’ll go make you a new one, ok?”

 

“Yeah and next time I come in I don’t want him making my drink, ok?” Jean replied in annoyance.

 

She gave a small nod and took a few moments to remake the drink. She returned with her usual smile but really biting back her real feelings towards the guy in front of her, “Sorry again, hope you have a nice day, sir.”

 

She watched the two boys leave and muttered ‘jerk’ under her breath before going into the office to check on her tiny new employee.

 

“Armin?”  She noticed the small boy in a chair arms crossed onto the table his face pressed down against them. She gently placed a hand on his shoulder and noticed them shake slightly from the small sobs that escaped his tiny body.

 

“What happened…?” Petra quickly pulled up a chair and sat next to him gently rubbing Armin’s back hoping to sooth him.

 

“Jean…” He choked out.

 

“Oh…” She brushed her fingers through Armin’s hair and sighed, “Well, I’ll let you know… I tasted the latte you made and it was fine… he was just doing that on purpose. I promise you Armin, alright?”

 

“I know… I know I made it right… I just… couldn’t handle it…” Armin rubbed his cheeks with the sleeves of his shirt, “I hate him…”

 

“I know… It’s ok. You’re ok. I’ll let you know something.” She spoke softly and pushed some hair out of his face, “I may have spit in his drink.”

 

“Petra!” Armin couldn’t help but laugh, “You didn’t!”

 

She shook her head, “No, but I wanted to. Besides it made you laugh.”

 

“Yeah, I’m really sorry,” Armin murmured.

 

“Well next time he comes in when you’re here just let me or someone else deal with him, ok?”

 

Armin nodded and rubbed the last bit of unwanted tears away, “Yeah, I-I won’t let this happen again.”

 

She nodded and coaxed him up from the chair, “You’re ok to go back out?”

 

“I am,” Armin went towards the door but turned back and looked at Petra, “Thank you… again.”

 

There was no real avoiding Jean. Armin knew that. He lived in the same building which obviously meant he would have to face him every now and then. Which meant Armin would have to come to terms with what happened in an attempt to move on with his life without these outbursts of emotions. He knew that Jean liked seeing this. He liked to see Armin suffer and for that Armin knew he was just feeding on Jean’s cruel nature.

 

At the end of Armin’s shift Petra stopped him on the way out. She passed him a café labeled bag and smiled, “Levi told me you must eat something. Don’t worry him so take this.”

 

Armin blushed slightly and took the bag with a shy smile, “Y-yeah, thank you.”

 

“I’ll see you soon,” She waved and Armin gave a shy smile in return before leaving.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“So?”

 

Levi sat on the couch laptop with him, his typing slowed as Armin walked in and his gaze turned slightly towards the blonde who let out a long relieved sigh.

 

“So… is right.” Armin muttered dramatically flopping down on the couch next to Levi.

 

Levi rolled his eyes, “How did it go?”

 

“Fine,” Armin popped the bag onto the coffee table and leaned against Levi, “It was fine.”

 

“Doesn’t sound fine,” He replied shutting his laptop and putting it down, “Petra told me by the way so…”

 

“It’s no big deal… I dealt with it…”

 

“Yes, you did…” Levi sighed, “Are you ok?”

 

“Mmhm…” Armin sighed closing his eyes and relaxed his body up against Levi’s, “A bit mentally exhausted but I’ll be fine.”

 

“She said you did well. You learn quickly.”

 

“Not hard. I was just nervous that’s all…” Armin muttered, “I missed you.”

 

“It was only a few ours but… I admit I missed you too,” Levi kissed Armin’s forehead before reaching over and grabbing the bag, “Eat, you’ll feel better.”

 

Armin pouted, “I’ll get fat if you keep this up.”

 

Levi rolled his eyes, “I don’t care, there’s a difference between being tiny and unhealthy. Just recently you were starving yourself so if you don’t you know I’ll make you.”

 

“Ok, ok…” Armin grabbed the bag and unwrapped what he assumed was a sandwich. He took a small bite and then smiled as he felt Levi’s arm drape over his shoulder, “Were you worried about me?”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“I bet it was you that kept pestering Petra with texts all morning,” Armin couldn’t hold back the small laugh.

 

“Quiet brat…”

 

“Thank you…”

 

“For what?”

 

“Worrying about me…”

 

“Psh… I’d be an asshole if I didn’t.”

 

“Love you…”

 

“Yeah, love you too brat.”

 

Armin sighed, “I’m not a brat! You keep calling me that.”

 

“You are though. A cute one though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this chapter was ok and that everyone enjoys it! Thanks for all the comments, kudos support everything. You guys are great! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin breaks down, but again Levi to the rescue!

* * *

 

 

 

Armin stood in front of the bathroom mirror running his thin fingers gently through his hair. It had grown quite long and with an annoyed sigh he pulled it back wrapping the elastic he had around it to make a slightly messy bun. Yet then the words Jean had spoken ran clearly through his mind.

 

_‘Your hair looks stupid up like that…’_

_‘It makes your face look fat.’_

 

Quickly Armin ripped the elastic out of his hair and he leaned over the sink letting out small shaken breaths. His body clumsily tumbled towards the toilet pulling open the lid. Panic stricken he had no idea what to do. He was fat, he was stupid, he was worthless, it was painful to recall what Jean had said and no matter what anyone else said the he just couldn’t shake this continuous negativity.

 

“Just what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

 

Armin’s body went still but he continued to hover over the porcelain bowl, “Sick…” Armin muttered glancing back ever so slightly.

 

“You’re lying,” Levi tugged Armin up and looked intensely at him, “What’s wrong?”

 

Armin attempted to look away but Levi gently grabbed his chin and kept their eyes locked, “Levi…please. It’s just an upset stomach…”

 

“I still don’t believe you but… are you ok to go to work?” Levi brushed his thumb soothingly across Armin’s cheek.

 

Armin swallowed nervously, “Yeah…”

 

“But, if that asshole shows up don’t listen to him. Don’t talk to him. Get Petra, she knows. It’s ok.” Levi assured his lips pressed gently against Armin.

 

“I know… it’s… just things… things I remember it triggers t-things…” Armin turned away and stared down at the floor, “Sorry.”

 

“Armin,” Levi sighed a little and rubbed his back gently, “Just…well, get some breakfast, alright?”

 

“Not hungry,” Armin muttered, “I’m going to be late.”

 

Armin turned to leave but Levi grabbed his wrist, “Wait, this weekend… you want to go out, like you said, dinner…movie?”

 

Armin looked back at the man, wide eyed, “Y-yeah, I’d love to … m-maybe skip going to dinner though…”

 

“And why is that?”  Levi sighed as he received no response, “You really think that not eating with solve everything? We’ve talked about this over and over. I thought we were past this.”

 

“I can’t…! I can’t do it… I-If I eat again everyone will notice…” Armin stared back down at the floor, “I’m fat…”

 

Levi rolled his eyes, “You know damn well that’s not true. I thought we were past that…”

 

“I’m sorry Levi…” Armin smiled shakily, “I-I am late though, good bye…”

 

Armin rushed out of the apartment, nearly blinded as tears formed in his large blue eyes as he tapped quickly at the elevator button. Hurry up, hurry up… Armin pleaded. Right now he really didn’t want to go to work, he didn’t want to be around anyone. Within moments the elevator came and he got off at the lobby. Then he ran and he didn’t know where he was going he just ran.

 

The streets and traffic were extremely busy and feeling a bit overwhelmed and a bit closed in he dashed down an alleyway. His pace slowed and he stopped next to an industrial trash bin. He crouched down next to it and slowly sat down pulling his knees to his chest.

 

‘I can’t go back… I’m such a huge fat worthless burden… I can’t do anything right. I might as well just stay out here…’ Armin’s thoughts were out of control enough that he just wanted to scream. He pressed his forehead against his knees. ‘I’m sorry Levi… I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Don’t hate me. Just forget about me… please.’

 

Yet still Armin felt terrified and the cold weather was starting to make his small frame tremble. It didn’t help that the grey clouds above were slowly trickling down rain. He had ran out only wearing his work uniform which provided no warmth or comfort for Armin but he couldn’t go back, he couldn’t burden anyone else with well everything.

 

The sounds were almost a low drawn out buzz around Armin as he stared blankly against the graffiti bare wall in front of him. His blonde hair was matted uncomfortably against his face but he didn’t bother to push it away. He didn’t feel the need to even put effort into anything anymore.

 

Aside from shifting a little ever so slightly Armin didn’t move. Time passed, he had no idea how much time had passed. He felt relief that no one would have to deal with him again. Grateful that no one could see him right now, his ugliness, his worthlessness. Armin shivered. He couldn’t stop shaking. The cold was become unbearable so slowly he shifted up and shuffled slowly to a nearby overhang down the alley by a side door to the building.

 

It was getting dark and Armin had to admit he was terrified, he wanted to go back but he knew it was for the best. He was doing this for Levi.

 

But then his thoughts wandered. Would Levi be worried about him? Could he be looking for him and deep down he wanted Levi to find him…

 

But, no, no, no…

 

Armin was sure he would no longer be welcome back at his new job since he simply skipped off from work his second shift. Levi would be angry and disappointed after going through all the effort to even give him a chance again. To Armin it was a high possibility that Levi would never want to see or hear from him again after all this.

 

No matter how hard Armin tried he felt like a horrible screw up that only lived to be a big disappointment to anyone and everyone in his life.

 

-

 

“What the hell do you mean he’s not there?” Levi paced back and forth in his apartment living room, “Where is HE?”

 

“L-Levi, calm down…” The soft voice of Petra could be heard from the opposite end of the phone, “I-I don’t know. That’s why I’m calling you…”

 

“Fuck,” Levi spat out slamming his fist against the wall, “Where the hell did that brat go?! Dammit, I’m going to go look for him!”

 

“Levi... –!”

 

Before Petra could get another word out Levi ended the call pulled on his shoes and jacket then stormed out of his apartment in search for the pretty blonde that he had grown quickly attached to.

 

Levi felt panicked. His whole body went stiff and everything felt wrong. It was strange, foreign even, to feel like he was losing a piece of himself. The thought of losing the person that gradually crept its way into his once lonely life was too much.

 

The rain didn’t exist to Levi at the moment as he walked briskly yet blindly down different streets. Truthfully he had no clue as to where Armin was. It was becoming late and he knew the later it got the worse his chances in finding Armin lessened.

 

This wasn’t like Levi at all, he would never do something so rash like this over someone he barely knew but Armin was special. The boy would surly freeze at this rate or worse.

 

Levi pulled his phone out of his pocket after hearing it buzz slightly, “What?!” He was frustrated and strangely for him he was panicked.

 

“Levi, across the street.” Came the voice from the other end. Steel eyes glanced across the street to see Petra waving slightly towards him, “If you’re going to look for him then I’ll help you. I feel responsible.”

 

Both of them ended the call and Petra sprinted across the crosswalk and popped an umbrella open hovering it over the two of them, “You’re not responsible for this Petra.”

 

“Listen, I shouldn’t have simply left you alone with him like that. I went off an instinct and I was wrong… as not only someone who should have known better and as your friend, I should have known something would happen.”

 

Levi swallowed and let out a breath, “I know… he’s wasn’t ready for a relationship. But I…”  His eyes focused away from Petra, “I care about him ok? Maybe we spout nonsense of love, maybe he was only clinging to me out of need. I have no idea.”

 

“Levi,” Petra gave Levi a small hug, “We’ll figure this out, ok? We have to find him before it gets too late.”

 

“Brat better not hurt himself…” Levi pulled away and walked away briskly down the street leaving Petra to sprint to catch up.

 

“What did he say when he left? Was he upset?” Petra did her best to keep up with Levi’s pace balancing the umbrella the best she could between them.

 

“He just freaked after I mentioned he eat something before work… so I guess this is my fault really. I pressured him!” Levi clenched and unclenched his fists, “Yet all this happened because that jack ass he was with tormented him!”

 

“Armin just needs to learn to talk through his problems…” Petra sighed, “This is why my career as a psychologist didn’t go anywhere… I’m sorry Levi, I really am.”

 

“Enough of the blaming here…” Levi turned his stare down an alley way and noticed a small form down on the ground against a building. Quickly he darted away from Petra and ran to the form slumped against the wall.

 

“Armin!” Levi knelt down to the form and cupped the familiar cheeks of the blonde haired boy he had become so familiar with, “He’s freezing…” Without another moment Levi pulled his own jacket off and wrapped it around the limp form before scooping him up into his arms.

 

“Is he –?”

 

“He passed out, I’m taking him home!”

 

“Levi, maybe we should take him to a hospital!” Petra insisted but the man brushed past her, “Levi! Please, listen to me! You can’t do this on your own…  I know you lost people in the past and you weren’t there to protect them but… please!”

 

Levi stopped and felt his body stiffen feeling his grip on the boy tighten, “I…”

 

“Ok?” Petra placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder, “I’m going to call us a cab and we’re going to take him to the hospital. I’m so sorry this happened Levi but this is for Armin. I’ll stay with you through this.”

 

Levi kept an emotionless expression and nodded stiffly.

 

Petra held the umbrella over the two while she called them a ride while Levi stared down at the extra pale skin of the delicate form in his arms. Armin’s blonde hair was matted down against his face but to Levi that didn’t take away any beauty that he held.

 

“I’m sorry,” Levi muttered over and over in a hushed whisper, “You’ll be ok.”

 

-

 

The sounds were strange as Armin went in and out of consciousness. It confused him at first but then when as a few moments went by the realization of his surroundings became more real instead of simply being a strange dream. Armin’s senses were coming to life again and he could hear the sounds, and the strange sterile smell – a hospital!

 

Armin opened his eyes slowly and groaned a little trying to move a hand but realizing it was connected to an uncomfortable IV, “L…Levi…” Armin’s voice was cracked but he still managed to speak.

 

“Hey…”

 

A gentle voice spoke and he felt a hand gently push back his bangs. Armin blinked a few times and looked up at a familiar face, “P-Petra… what… what’s going on?”

 

“Shh…” Her voice was soft as she did her best to keep Armin calm, “You ran away, do you remember?” Armin nodded insecurely, “Levi found you… you were unconscious. We brought you to a hospital.”

 

Armin felt his body go limp against the hospital bed, “I… but… you should have just left me. I’m nothing but a burden to everyone. You both should have just let me die!” Tears began to flow from his tired blue eyes.

 

“No,” Armin heard Levi’s voice echo through the room as he walked through the door holding a cup of coffee in one hand, “Enough of that shit talk.” Slowly he approached the bed with a soured expression.

 

“Levi…” Petra shook her head, “Armin just woke up.”

 

“Yeah, well he’s already spouting shit…”  Levi looked down at Armin, “Look, before you go on about being some burden or whatever just listen to us.”

 

“What Levi means to say is… that we care and… that we need to talk through some things,” Petra took one of Armin’s hands and rubbed her thumb soothingly across it, “Why did you run away like that?”

 

“I…I was upset… I’m scared that Levi will eventually see my flaws and hate me like…Jean did…” Armin choked out between sobs, “I thought Levi would be better off without me.”

 

“Well you were wrong,” Levi cut in, “I would never do what that asshole did to you. Also those ‘flaws’ you seem to think you have don’t exist.”

 

“You don’t really even know me that well…truthfully…” Armin muttered with a sigh.

 

“Then let me. Let me get to know you, flaws or not. I don’t care just don’t run away.”

 

Armin stared up at the ceiling and let out another sigh, “It was stupid… I know… I won’t. Ok?”

 

“Armin,” Petra smiled softly after getting the blonde’s attention, “Look, what happened to you was wrong. We’re both here to help you. I promise that neither of us are judging you nor think less of you. I know there’s times when you just want to run or just give up but you can’t because there’s someone in this room that deeply cares about you and even if he has a hard time showing it he really does.”

 

Armin gave a small nod, “I…I’m really sorry.”

 

“No more drama kid… alright?” Receiving another nod from Armin Levi stepped closer, “Petra mentioned setting you up with some counseling to deal with some of this crap but it’s entirely up to you.”

 

Armin chewed his lower lip in thought, “I don’t know. Maybe, if… you both think it would help.”

 

“It doesn’t hurt to try,” Petra responded in hopes of assuring Armin to take the right steps.

 

“When…when can I get out of here?” Armin attempted to sit upright, “I feel fine.”

 

“Take it easy,” Petra attempted to usher the boy to lay back down but the boy insisted on swinging his legs over the side of the bed, “The doctor told us you would be here overnight for observation. You were dehydrated and your blood work was taken as a precaution. Please just lay back down.”

 

Armin gave Levi a pout and the man merely shrugged, “She’s right, get some rest. If you’re worried about being here alone tonight you don’t need to be since I’ll be staying ok?”

 

“Unfortunately I need to go home, call me if you need anything.” Petra got up from the chair and ushered Levi into it, “I’ll see you both later. Both of you get some rest.”

 

Armin and Levi both said their goodbyes yet then turned to look at one another.

 

“Fuck, don’t do that again…” Levi pushed out of the chair and hovered over Armin who had lie back down on the bed. Their lips were close but instead Levi kissed his forehead, down to his nose, cheeks then lips.

 

“I’m sorry… I really am…” Armin whispered into his ear, “I thought I was doing the right thing…”

 

“I know… but I promise you this… I will never – never do or say anything to hurt you. Ok?  Trust me, please… if you feel uncomfortable with anything I say just let me know. We can work through it.”

 

Armin couldn’t hold back the laugh, “Someone’s been talking to Petra.”

 

“Tch…” Levi slumped back into the chair with his arms crossed.

 

“Levi… I was only teasing. But thank you, for everything even though I’ve turned your entire life upside down you’re still here for me.”

 

“Yeah well, there’s something about you I like,” Levi shrugged a bit.

 

“Hmm,” Armin blushed ever so slightly, “Could I… get some water?”

 

Levi nodded, “Yeah…”

 

Armin watched him leave the room and let out a long drawn out sigh. Well, after everything, Levi’s still here and determined. Blue eyes stared up at the ceiling and a sense of determination filled Armin. He wanted to get better, to have and make a life again that he could be proud of. A promise he now made to himself was to make it up to Levi and create a life together.

 

Yet he knew he would have to get better for his own sake and not just for Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I know it's been a long wait but I hope everyone enjoyed! I have 2 more chapters planned let's hope Armin can get himself on track!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi continues to help heal the scars that run deep in Armin's heart. While Armin puts some slight closure between him and his previous relationship in a interesting way.

* * *

 

 

 

Every night the same dream, no wait, the same nightmare. Being pushed, seeing his face – Jean’s face, then he was falling. Falling endlessly filled with pain, heartache and torture, Armin was sick of this nightmare but it was only natural after the trauma really.  But no matter what every time he sprung awake in bed Levi was there, always there to sooth him, hold him close and it was good, real good.

 

But that didn’t change the fact that he felt horribly guilty, “I’m sorry…” Armin’s voice was choked from the sobs. Levi’s hand rubbed up and down his back, “You really deserve to sleep without being woken up all the time.”

 

“It’s fine,” Levi did his best to shield the grogginess that showed in his voice, “Relax…breath… it’s not your fault…”

 

With a few choked deep breaths Armin murmured out another apology, “Everyone says this stupid counseling session’s help but really it’s all up to me. I know that,” Armin turned away from Levi and sat at the side of the bed, “I interrupt your writing time and I’m a distraction – not a good one… I’m just broken.”

 

“Tch, you’re not broken. We’ve talked about this… you just had some really bad things happen. You are never a distraction,” Levi pulled himself out of bed and slowly approached the other side, “You will push past this. You’re strong, everything in time. Plus, don’t worry about me. I get my work done.”

 

Armin chewed his bottom lip, “Mm…Yeah… I’m sorry. You know what would make me feel better, ice cream; ice cream would make everything better.”

 

Levi couldn’t help but let out a short laugh, “Alright.”

 

Armin watched Levi head toward the door a long breath escaped his body, “Levi, I love you."

 

“Love you too…” Levi murmured a smile tugging at his lips although through the dark Armin couldn’t see it he knew it was there. As Levi returned he turned on a nightstand lamp and handed the ice cream to his boyfriend then pulled himself back into bed where he watched Armin shovel the cold treat into his mouth like he was starving. Levi wouldn’t say anything and he knew that Armin needed to eat without feeling judged or guilty.

 

“Mmm..s’good… have some!” Armin held out a spoon to Levi who held a hand in protest, “It’s yours and don’t make a mess, its dripping.” Levi quickly grabbed for a tissue on the night stand and wiped away what dripped down.

 

“S-sorry…”

 

“No, Armin, it’s ok. You know me, I’m anal about mess.”

 

Armin snorted out a laugh, “Mmhm… So… Do you think I should look for another job?”

 

Levi shot a stare at Armin, “You don’t need to unless you really want to.”

 

“Mm…I just thought… you’d want me to. I mean… I should be helping out with everything…” Armin kept his gaze downcast but eventually turned to look into grey eyes, “I just… don’t want you to eventually hate me too.”

 

“I’m not him. I would never do that to you. I would never hurt you, _ever_. Look,” Levi grabbed Armin’s chin and pulled him in for a kiss, “You don’t need to do anything unless _you_ want to. No matter what anyone says or does so whatever choice you make I will respect it.”

 

Armin shied away with a smile, “Yeah… I have to stop questioning things. You spoil me…”

 

“Tch, you are such a brat,” Levi’s lips quirked into a smile and Armin couldn’t help but laugh, “But yes, a brat I fell for. It’s unlike me you know.”

 

“We do a lot of things we’d never think we’d do. I-I feel like all of this happened so that I could meet you…” Armin’s voice fell into a whisper.

 

“Bullshit,” Levi muttered, “You didn’t deserve any of that abuse. Even though you’re doing better now and you’re happy being with me that still doesn’t justify what was done. Besides, as much as we care for one another I’m not perfect myself.”

 

“Levi…” Armin put his snack aside and snuggled close, “Don’t say that. I know you don’t like to share things about your past but… I know when I hold things in… it’s not good… so no matter what you’re perfect to me.”

 

“Yeah, well, I prefer to keep my past buried where it belongs,” Levi whispered tracing his fingertips up and down Armin’s slim body, “But you, right now…” Levi’s movements were swift as he moved to hover over the petite blonde, “That’s what matters.”

 

Armin knew things were better, he felt better although yes he still had a long way to go. Things wouldn’t be put back together all shiny and new they would be slowly glued and placed back together trying to find where they fit. Yeah there would be mistakes along the way and pieces might not fit the same way they used to but maybe that was ok.

 

Levi really didn’t enjoy breaking his regular schedule and the last month was nothing but that. But when he looked over to see Armin’s smile and soft wispy hair fall perfectly around his face it just didn’t seem to matter. Armin had changed him and as much as he didn’t want to admit it that was terrifying yet he welcomed it with open arms.

 

They woke up late in the afternoon. Armin was the type that really liked to cuddle and Levi generally had to pry himself off each morning, or afternoon. The blonde would sometimes whine a little but eventually would crawl out of the warmth of the blankets eventually.

 

Yet today’s challenge was to pry Armin out of the comfort of the apartment and go for coffee yet the blonde procrastinated in thought that idle jabber which Levi himself was knowingly enough to counter, “Armin, you look fine. Let’s go.”

 

“B-but… well, it’s just… we… might see _him_ ,” Armin mumbled as he tugged at the left sleeve of his long sleeved shirt, “Or… or something.”

 

Levi sighed, but not in annoyance as he pulled Armin close, “Forget about him. Just focus on me.” Levi knew he simply had to be there for the boy, support and encourage him. Slowly he pulled away from the blonde, “You’re smart, I know you can do this.”

 

“Mm… one step at a time… I suppose,” Armin sighed, “But you know… just my luck and he’ll be there you know that right?”

 

“If he is, he is, we’ll ignore him,” Levi looked into those large blue eyes, “Or I could simply kick the shit out of him.”

 

“No… but… really do I look ok?” Armin ran his fingers through his hair and stared down bashfully clearly knowing what Levi would say.

 

“You look hot,” Levi whispered brushing his lips against Armin’s their breath meshing together before a kiss was locked, “Relax.”

 

“You always look so good… I…I mean you look hot too…” Armin’s cheeks dusted pink.

 

Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Really, I don’t know why you worry about what other people think? You’ll drive yourself crazy.”

 

“But-!”

 

Levi’s hands lingered up Armin’s shirt, his fingers slid up and down the small of his back causing a delightful shiver from the blonde as his hands lowered grasping ahold of the unfortunate clothed bottom, “My opinion is all that matters.”

 

“Y-Yeah… I’m sorry that you have to keep telling me,” Armin mumbled, “I’ll stop.”

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Levi shrugged and grabbed Armin’s hand pulling him towards the door, “I need coffee, let’s go.”

 

Armin stumbled a little but caught himself up against Levi, “Y-yeah…”

 

The café was quiet, yet he simply stood still as they entered. With all Armin’s horrible luck – There sat Jean with Eren at one of the tables. Armin took a deep breath and he felt Levi’s gave a reassuring squeeze to his hand and guided him to the counter to make the order.

 

“Ignore him,” Levi spoke strongly then cleared his throat before turning to the worker at the counter to make his order.

 

Armin swore Jean as staring. Judging him while telling lies and whispers behind his back with no way to defend himself. His body was tense and his stomach hurt and he stared down intensely at his feet.

 

“Armin,” Levi slightly nudged the boy who jumped slightly looking over at him with a confused look, “What would you like?”

 

“Oh… uh... n-nothing,” Armin smiled weakly, “I-I don’t need anything.”

 

Levi sighed, “Fine, I’ll guess.”

 

“L-Levi…n-no…” Armin made an attempt to stop him but was quick to make a decisive order.

 

Levi turned his attention back to Armin’s terrified blue eyes, “Ignore him… Just ignore him. Look at me.” Armin attempted to look back down at the floor but Levi slowly raised it back up by with a hand, “We’ll sit away from him, you’re better than him. Don’t let him being here stop you from enjoying yourself.”

 

“I know that,” Armin sighed, “Petra not here today?”

 

“Doesn’t seem like she’s here right now,” Levi shrugged a little.

 

“Oh… I just really wanted to thank her…and apologize.”

 

“Don’t, you did nothing wrong. She understands,” Levi grabbed their tray, two drinks and snacks, “Come on, let’s sit.”

 

In a slight daze Armin eventually followed Levi but on his way over to the table near the back of the café he ended up colliding with another body which caused him to flinch and mutter out numerous apologies.

 

“Tch, you really are stupid and really watch where you walk your fat ass.”

 

Armin unfortunately knew that voice well, even without looking up, “J….Jean… I…I….”

 

“Fuck… you’re such a mess… Without me there to constantly make sure you stay in line… you are so pathetic …”

 

Armin stayed quiet and wanted to just shrink away but he didn’t. Instead he stood quietly taking in small deep breaths, “No…”

 

Levi stood up from his chair in hope to pry apart the confrontation but he merely only got a few steps in before Armin clenched a fist and nailed Jean in the face with all his petite body could force. Well, so much for not causing a scene in the middle of a coffee shop. Levi was quick to pull Armin away before he could attempt another. Although he couldn’t help the small smile that quirked up on his lips feeling proud of the little blonde.

 

“Armin… stop… calm,” Levi whispered gently.

 

Jean grabbed ahold of his nose as red dripped down and between his fingers, “What the fuck, you little freak!”

 

Armin’s kept his fists clenched but Levi pulled him further away, “Let me go Levi…”

 

Levi turned Armin to face him and cupped his cheeks, “Shh… that was a good punch. Do you feel better?”

 

“Not really… but it felt good,” Armin murmured.

 

Levi glanced around and noted that yeah they might have caused a scene, Petra might kill him for it later but in truth it was worth it, “Ok… so, how about we take this to go?”

 

“No, I… I want to show him that I won’t run, that I’m standing up to him!” Armin took a seat and huffed crossing his arms.

 

“Alright then,” Levi sat across from him and shifted the coffee cup closer, “Here, drink. I’m sure he won’t bother you again after that. How’s your hand?”

 

Armin let out a deep breath and took a long drink, “Mm…hurts… but I don’t care. I…I didn’t know I could hit that hard.”

 

“Pretty cute watching you punch out a guy like that,” Levi let out of breathy laugh, “The look on his face was priceless you know.”

 

Armin smiled slightly, “Yeah... I did such stupid things to try and get him to love me. Doing that I…lost myself but I’m going to be myself now. I just… want to be myself again. So…I just want to let you know that this is who I am and I won’t change for you.”

 

“And I don’t want you to,” Levi looked into Armin’s eyes, “There are just things you don’t need to do to be loved. I care about you as you are as well as the person you will grow to be.”

 

Levi felt like that was really cheesy to say but at the same time he meant it and respected the boy In front of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the final chapter. I thought I would stretch it out between two more but I kind of just clipped a few parts off.
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed the fic and hope you guys all look forward to more from me.


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